2013: our year in review.

I love the New Year. It gives me a chance to be nostalgic about the previous year and hopeful for the new one. 

in spite of living in the most boring state on earth. (or at least definitely in the top 10 most boring) we had a pretty eventful year. having a baby will do that do you, I guess. I've been really bad at blogging which is actually a good thing for the sake of the year in review post because I won't be beating too many dead horses. BUT it's a bad thing because Taylor wasn't able to print our blog book like he usually does because I  only had about 15 posts and it would have been a waste. So officially, I failed at blogging this year. I resolve to blog better in 2014.

Anyway, with the assistance of my photo journal aka instagram I am going to review this years events.  

January 2013: We started out the New Year in Las Vegas with my best friends. My BEEF, Jenalee, her husband Scotty, and her sweet babe Gracie. We partied medium hard. When we got back, Taylor forced me to start a job at a call center in Idaho Falls. Between the worst job in the world and the negative temperatures in Idaho, I was basically the most depressed I had ever been during the course of our marriage. Then Tayl told me that we couldn't have a baby for another 3 years.

February 2013: My horrible job motivated me to find a better one immediately. LUCKILY within 2 weeks, I did. I got a job at a car dealership and things started to really turn around for me as far as being depressed goes. My previously mentioned beef and her offspring came to visit for the first time and then we went to Utah to go to her parents mission farewell before they left for London. One day, after work, I was bored and decided to paint my nails. While I was getting in the cabinet to get my polish, I saw a pregnancy test I had from a previous pregnancy "scare". I had no reason to suspect that I might be pregnant because my period wasn't due for a couple of days. But, I was bored, and thought, why not? So I peed on the stick that would change my life forever. Almost exactly a year before this, I had a chemical pregnancy, so I decided to make sure that this was for real before I told anyone, even Taylor. I waited about 5 days to tell him. I told him some shoes I had ordered for him had arrived but they seemed "small". So I put some baby shoes (that I bought before I even got pregnant) in an amazon box with the positive pregnancy test. When he opened the box he stared back and forth at me and the box in disbelief. I was pretty emotional but I thought that he looked like he was mad so I started crying. But he finally smiled and laughed and cried. So I knew that I wasn't going to end up living in the streets with my baby after all.

March 2013: I finally started to get morning sickness. We got to go to the doctor and see our little man on the ultrasound, which was pretty mind blowing. We made a trip down to Manti for Easter. Other than that, I continued to secretly be pregnant. 

April 2013: We finally announced our pregnancy to the public when I was a couple days shy of 12 weeks. It was exciting and made it seem even more real. This month, we let our pals the Youngbergs borrow my car to go to SLC. They got into an accident on the highway and my mazda was totaled. It was sad to say goodbye to, but we are grateful everyone was okay. We finally decided to take advantage of the fact that we live less than two hours away from Yellowstone. It was kewl.

May 2013: We purchased our new car and traded in Taylor's NITRO. Now we have a 2013 Chevy Malibu and 1998 Chevy Blazer. HOLLLAA. We also got to go to a place in SLC to find out if our fetus was a boy or a girl at 15 weeks. It was fun because my dad got to be there with us. As you know now, our baby has a penis and is a boy. May is also the month of my birth which typically falls on or around memorial day weekend. This year it did. So we headed to Vegas again to be with my BFF. She surprised me with tickets to Thunder Down Under. So many butts. SOOO MANY BUTTS. On my actual birthday I woke up sick. It was the pits. Especially because when you're pregnant you can't take any medicine that actually helps. So I spent the rest of the trip sickly. My baby bump started to show.

June 2013: Taylor decided it would be a good time to get surgery on his nose and throat. It was 7 different procedures in one go. He was pretty miserable for about 3 weeks. I don't mean to be a victim here but it was hard on me too. Mostly because he wasn't well enough to give me the copious amounts of affection and attention he normally gives me that I had apparently taken for granted. Also, because I was pregnant and entitled. I didn't want to do anything for MYSELF let alone anyone else. We survived. I believe it was during this month that I hit my 20 week mark of pregnancy which also meant that my morning sickness FINALLY ended.

July 2013: The Giddens came to visit. Sheryl, April, Jamie, Jeff (for a couple of days) and Paisley. They painted my front rooms for me and we went to Bear Lake. They stayed for about ten days. I was sad when they went home. I finally started putting together the nursery. As in doing things BESIDES buying baby clothes. (I mean like a lot.) I got a dresser for 50 dollars and a rocking chair for 18 from the thrift store. I was pretty proud. 

August 2013: I decided that it was time to take Taylor down to the Demolition Derby in Manti. I just really felt like he wouldn't understand me until he did this. I was right. Unfortunately it hasn't been nearly as eventual and crazy as it used to be when I was really young. But I felt like the most important part was definitely the enviroment, the surroundings, the people. And he at least he experienced those things. Roscoe, got to wear a diaper for the first time. Because he wouldn't stop pissing on things at Holly's house. On the way home we picked up the crib from my dad's house. When we set that up in the nursery, that's when things really started to feel real. But only kind of.

September 2013: You could really start to tell that summer was ending in Idaho. Because of our lack of air conditioning and being pregnant, I was ready for the heat to go. (But now that we're into winter-- I take it all back) In the beginning of September we had a crazy storm. I LOVED it because it reminded me of Southern storms. Unfortunately though, it flooded our basement. BUT FORTUNATELY, our basement isn't finished and it went back down the drain. I had my first baby shower thrown by my step-mom and my aunts (dad's sisters) it was wonderful but unfortunately, it rained and they had set everything up outside. The next day we went to the farmer's market at Wheeler Farm and found boiled peanuts. It was the best. I finally had to take my wedding ring off before it cut my finger off. The 19th marked the 10 year anniversary of my mom's death. It seemed and still seems crazy to me. 

October 2013: THE MONTH OF MY DUE DATE. I had another baby shower thrown my by my amazing cousin Ranee. She basically had been working on the shower since the moment she found out I was pregnant. She put so much work and thought into it and it made me feel so loved. The one thing I can never do is try to claim that no one loves me. I have a lot of love in my life in spite of the fact that I am pretty lame sometimes. On the 18th, I had my last day of work so that I could relax and get a few last things ready for baby. the first week or two, or at least until my due date, it was LOVELY. I napped HARD sometimes a couple naps A DAY. but then I started to get bored and impatient. Halloween came and I was hoping for contractions and labor pains but all I got was trick -o -treaters and the privilege of putting costumes on my dogs. 

November 2013: It's pretty weird to me to think that I went almost half of the month of November still pregnant. Since I definitely thought he would at least show up the first couple of days in the month. I honestly don't remember what those days consisted of other than trying to kick start labor naturally. But honestly, I don't think those "tricks" are real. So I didn't try to hard. I just tried to rest and be patient. My aunt Holly and my grandma came and my aunt was basically the opposite of patient and came before the baby did. Luckily he did make an appearance while she was there though. Also, this month, I had a baby, did you know that? No big deal. BEEF Jenalee came the day I was discharged from the hospital to stay for the weekend. For Thanksgiving we went to visit my dad. Luckily Emerson is travelin' champ. 

December 2013: I spent the majority of December trying to adjust to being a mom. Let's be honest, it's the last day of December and I'm STILL trying to adjust. Basically at all times I just worry that I'm not doing the right thing. But I hear that's normal. We also decided to get real crazy and fly with our six week old to Georgia for Christmas. I can't speak for the flight home yet (since I am writing this from GA) but the flight here was pretty easy. He slept the whole time. Gosh he's a good baby. While we were here we also decided to have Emerson's blessing on Sunday at Taylor's parents house after church. It was great. I think I'll do all my baby blessings at home. And we don't want to go home on Friday. (Idaho < Georgia) Or at least I don't. So that mean Emerson also doesn't. Because he gets my emotions from my breast milk. That's how science works right?

Forcing myself to go and review our lives month by month has made me realize that actually we're still kind of boring, especially because I named things like "taking my ring off" as though that is an event that warrants an honorable mention. But none the less, we have a beautiful wonderful perfect baby boy and we still like each other as much as we did before we had a baby. So I think we're doing okay. And I'm not trying to do that thing where I tell you how great my baby is because I don't wanna sound like I hate him even though he is actually a terrible baby, he really is great.  In real life. You can ask anybody. 99% perfect, when he starts sleeping 8 hours straight at night, he will be 100% perfect. Sorry. (not sorry)

Here's to better blogging, and even more Emerson instagram pics in 2014. 

Happy New Year!

Emerson: month one.

ohhh my baby. 

you are our favorite thing. i mean we're really obsessed with you. it's okay that sometimes you keep us up at night. or pee on us (mostly your dad). or poop everywhere. or make it more complicated to go anywhere or do anything. we love you so much. and it's not just cause you're adorable. (which, holy crap! you really are) it's because you are ours and you are the greatest blessing we've ever received.

the first month of your life has blown by. just like i knew it would. it seems like every day you change a little more right before my eyes. you're growing fast! but you're still so tiny. as of tues. 12/10/13 you were 8 lbs 14 oz. you don't fit into any of your clothes yet very well, except your newborn clothes. which we don't have very many of. sometimes it's frustrating but I know one day you're going to be too big for these tiny clothes and i'll probably cry when i have to pack them up and save them for a rainy day, or another baby. It was rough enough when we had to switch from newborn diapers to size ones. which mostly only did because we ran out of newborn diapers and didn't want to buy more. but still, sad. i cried a little about that. about diapers. i guess i've gone soft.

no offense, but you're pretty predictable right now. you eat, sleep, poop, pee, and repeat. sometimes you sleep for a long time at night. but sometimes, you're like, naah. but i don't expect too much from you yet. within the last week, you started smiling at us. mostly me. you like me. a lot. you like your dad too. but i think i'm your favorite. (i better be) you like it when we sing to you and you really like it when we listen to music. especially Drake. and especially when I sing a long. 

you had your first thanksgiving two weeks ago. you did so good! you slept the whole way in the car and you let everyone pass you around without too much fussiness. everyone is in love with you. it's probably because you're perfect. your grandpa and grandma coffin are almost as obsessed with you as we are. you are already so spoiled. i can only imagine how it's going to be when you're older. but that's okay. NOW we hope you do just as good on our travels to GA for Christmas to see the Giddens. but i'll let you know. I'll love you no matter what.

sometimes you like baths, sometimes you don't. i think you're cute all the time but you're especially cute when you're fresh out of the bath and your nakie. i cuddle you up in towels and blankets until your little lip stops quivering. OH and you love to take naps while we hold you. and i love to do it. but i'm trying to slowly start breaking that habit. the last thing we want is for you to be a difficult sleeper. but right now we are enjoying how cuddly and sweet you are. 

we are loving every second of everyday with you and we really look forward to our adventures with you.

love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck! xoxo

-mom

sometimes you give birth to a kid.

I love my baby. I love him so much i can hardly comprehend it. It actually terrifies me how much I love him because it makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. However, what I loved less was the process of giving birth to  him. That's not to say I HATED giving birth because things were relatively easy and we both made it out healthy and alive but... let me explain.

I hate that I have to even say that. That I didn't *like* to give birth. I did so much research about childbirth. I would almost say that I knew too much for my own good. I knew that my body knew exactly what it needed to do and the pain was just my body doing the work of getting my baby out. I knew that I wanted to have a natural labor with a midwife at a birth center. To my dismay though, that wasn't how it was going to work for me. When I got pregnant I discovered that my insurance would cover EVERYTHING in a hospital and NOTHING with anything else. Some women would say, "it's worth the 5 grand +!" but that wasn't really in the cards for us. SO I made the best with what I had. I created a birth plan and told my doctors that I wanted to have a natural birth and they were on board. I wasn't delusional by any means, I knew that sometimes things happen when you have a baby and things don't go the way you want. 

BUT, things were going well for me. I had a very healthy pregnancy. My blood pressure was perfect, my pee was clean, my glucose levels were fine, Emerson's heart rate was perfect and his head was down, I was gaining the exact right amount of weight etc etc. So I figured, having the birth I want, should be no problem. I even chose to deliver at a hospital that was totally cool with women having natural deliveries. Everything was fine.

Then, my due date came and went. My OB asked me if I wanted to be induced. I said no. He'd come when he was ready.  So I waited and kept going in for my check ups. To my dismay, my blood pressure started creeping up at each subsequent visit. When I went in at 41 week 5 days, my BP was too high for my OB to be comfortable with so he said we needed to induce. My heart sank. So, we discussed the ways to get labor started and we came to an agreement that I was most comfortable with. I was grateful to have a doctor that listened to my concerns, discussed things through with me, and didn't bully me into things I didn't want. 

So we went home to get all my stuff I had packed. After that, we said a prayer in the car and stopped for lunch and went to the hospital. I wasn't even nervous. Why wasn't I nervous? I have no idea. I was about to experience something completely insane and then my life would be changed forever afterwards and there was no turning back. But at 12:45 PM on 11/11 I was like, no big deal, Let me put on this hospital gown that someone probably died in at some point and watch Honey Boo Boo while my cervix ripens. So for the first few hours, that's what I did.

Apparently contractions were coming but I couldn't feel them other than a little tightening. I would occasionally get up, walk around, pee, snack, whatever. Then I would have to get back in bed to check my blood pressure and the baby's heart rate. Fortunately, as I relaxed my blood pressure started to go down, but it wasn't down very much. And then I had to get Antibiotics in an IV because I was GBS positive and that burned my veins. It was really uncomfortable. At about 5:45 my OB came in to see how I was doing. He decided it would be best if he broke my water. I wasn't super stoked about that. But my BP was betraying me. So he did. And once he did, things really got going. I started to feel the contractions and within three hours they got really intense. At that point I had switched nurses and the new nurse was someone who had delivered her babies naturally, so she showed Taylor how to push my legs and knees into my hips to help relieve of some the pain during contractions. It did help a lot. What I really wanted was to get up and walk around but I had to get another round of antibiotics and my blood pressure was creeping up again. So I was stuck in the bed in pain. I did my best to work through them with the help of my wonderful husband but by 10:45 PM I was exhausted and at my wits end and my blood pressure was insanely high. Like I was about to have a stroke. It was like 200/110 or something. The last time I was checked I was at 5cm, and about an hour later I started having urges to push and my contractions were out of control. At one point I had 3 contractions that overlapped each other and the peak of the pain lasted about 5 minutes straight and the baby was squirmy so they had me on my side to get his heart rate which for some reason intensified the pain of the contractions and all I could do was lay on the bed and writhe and scream in pain.  So the nurse checked me again and I was at 8cm. I was so relieved to know that the pain was actually moving things along. I thought, Okay, I can definitely do this! I'm almost there! So I asked how much longer, and she told me 3-4 hours at the most. At that point I wanted to cry. I looked that nurse right in the eyes and told her I wanted the epidural. It was strange because I had always feared getting to that point in hospital, where I broke down and decided I wanted drugs and I would get it because it was available even though I probably could have done it without it. But in that moment, I was so exhausted, I would try to close my eyes and rest and then a contraction would hit and rest was not an option and so when I decided to get the epidural, I felt no guilt, I felt no fear, I was in survival mode.

when the anesthesiologist came in I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Apparently I wasn't breathing very well so they put an oxygen mask on me. Looking back, I'm not sure if I should have been more scared about that mask but I didn't care. contractions were still coming every minute or so. When he told me I had to hold perfectly still while he jabbed me with that sweet sweet poison I was genuinely scared of being paralyzed or something. But I did it. I had a super intense contraction during that moment but I squeezed Tayl's hand as hard as I could and then it was over. 11:45 PM Within minutes I started to feel relief. For the first time in hours, I was able to smile. I wanted to kiss that anesthesiologist on the mouth. I was back to being excited about my baby coming. The strangest part of the epi was that I could move my legs, and I could still feel when I was having a contraction, but I just didn't feel any pain. I thought I would basically be useless from the waist down.

So I was finally able to just rest, I actually slept. Not well, because I could still feel the contractions (not pain). But, it was the rest I needed. I'm not sure I would have been able to push the baby out of me otherwise. Also, my blood pressure dropped dramatically. I was back in normal ranges. Around 4 AM, I started to push and blah blah blah I'll spare you the gory details but at 5:10 AM my little perfect goopy bundle of joy came out of my womb and into this crazy world at 8 pounds 5 oz and 21 inches long.

Looking back, as time has passed, I am totally okay with how things went down. BUT, the first few days I felt a little internal guilt for getting drugged up while I was giving birth to my baby. It made me upset to even think about it. I was ashamed. I didn't think I would ever be able to tell people my birth story let alone put it on my blog. But in the end, I did what was best for both of us in my situation. As we approach Emerson's one month mark, the most valuable thing I have learned is that the worst thing I can do is go online and read what other mom's are doing or have done. Mom world is a scary world. I'm not an expert... yet. But my baby is healthy and growing and happy and so am I, and so that means I'm doing okay. And everyone else in mom world who judges, can suck it.

eviction notice.

Dear small person who has taken up residence inside of my uterus,

While I have really enjoyed the time of your stay over the last 9 months, it's time for you to evacuate the premises. I would ask that you would preferably do so in the next 5 days. (I MEAN IF YOU WANNA HAVE AWESOME HALLOWEEN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTIES..... just saying.) I realize that you're nice and comfortable up in there, it sounds nice. But unfortunately my body can no longer tolerate 3000 trips to the bathroom a day, (1500 of them being in the middle of the night) the kicking of the ribs (which feels to be with the force of a fun-size Chuck Norris), having to have help to roll my large sumo-like body out of bed or off of the couch, and also, my knees are having a tough time with this extra 30 pounds you've seem to have brought with you.

It probably sounds like I am complaining but I'm not. (Okay, I am a little) But I would tolerate all of these things a hundred times over for you because I love you. Which is weird. We've never even met. The closest we've come to meeting is when you high five me with your feet. (it's my favorite) And anyway, because I love you, I want you to just be out here. Not just for me but for everyone. I don't REALLY wanna share you but I think I probably have to. Your dad is pretty excited. So excited that he's reading about breastfeeding right now and annoying me with facts. He loves to do that. I'm excited for him to be able to take out his desire to teach everything he knows (which is a lot. probably too much for his own good.) on you too instead of just me.

Now I'm rambling. The point is that WE WANT YOU TO BE HERE ALREADY! I mean I hardly sleep anyway and I'm getting pretty bored being at home waiting for you and running out of TV shows to watch on Netflix, so come on out. Anytime. Preferably soon. Like tomorrow. Or Tuesday. Or now.

Plus, I have so many clothes for you to model. The dogs are getting tired of me dressing them up in your clothes.

Okay well, I love you either way. Even if you do decide to be stubborn and not come out until Thanksgiving. (Actually, that would be unacceptable, so don't get any ideas.)

Love,
The landlord aka Mom

ten.

today I am 34 weeks pregnant. and 10 years without my mom.

yep. 10 years.

I didn't think I would make it here. Once I met someone who's mom had died 10 years prior and I thought, there is no way I will be able to last that long without a mom.

But, here I am. And I feel okay. I feel good. I feel happy. As my baby kicks my ribs to hell, I feel better than I have ever felt before on this day. Obviously, there is a hole in my heart that will never be filled, but the people that have come into my life, (and those who have stayed) over the last ten years have made my life worth living. And I love every single one of them. I just feel insanely blessed. I feel blessed that to be alive and healthy. I feel blessed to have the wonderful family that I have and that I acquired through marriage. I feel blessed that I inherited so many wonderful things from my mother, but that her terrible taste in men wasn't one of them. I am sooo happy with where I am today (and I hope that she is too.) and the number one reason is that I have an incredible husband. And soon, we'll be adding a sweet little baby dude to our crew. (Who I know in my heart has already met my mom.)

As life goes on, you never forget the people that you've lost, and the pain never goes away. But time makes things easier and love makes it possible to go on.

You can see past blogs about my beautiful mom here & here. 

this is an update on being pregnant.

I'm really good at being pregnant, but really bad at it at the same time. My already chubby body was basically designed to carry a child. I am really glad I hadn't discovered the joy that is maternity pants before I got pregnant because I probably would have shamefully worn them all the time. I am already dreading the day I have to fold them up and save them for another pregnancy. I am tired a lot of the time, which is actually not hard for me because I was already lazy. I'm fine with resting A LOT. But I'm bad at being pregnant because I haven't been doing things like, taking weekly belly pics, drinking wheat grass shots, and/or scrap booking. My nesting skills are severely lacking unless you consider buying too many adorable and/or ridiculous baby clothes to be nesting.

25 weeks and I need a freaking hair cut.

Two things that are not my favorite thing right now. Number one, hot flashes. Especially while at home during the day. We don't have central air or any air conditioning on the main floor for that matter and our living room can get up to 88 degrees by 3 PM. Combine that with a hot flash and I basically rip my clothes off and cry. Tay does not understand. I'm sure he thinks I'm a crazy person. On Sunday I went in the backyard and laid on the grass in the shade, in my underwear. I didn't even care if the neighbors saw me through the fence. The second thing is getting up to pee in the middle of the night, sometimes multiple times. It wouldn't be that big of a deal if I didn't have to go downstairs to get to the bathroom. I'm seriously considering a bed pan. A fun side story, one of the last nights that the Giddens were in town (better blog about that too.) April and Jamie had a stomach bug. The toilet was occupied for the majority of that night. When I woke up at 3:30 AM to relieve myself, I prayed that it would be free, but it was not. So I did what any desperate person in my situation would do, and I peed the in the backyard. And I'm not ashamed.

Honestly, now that I review these things, it is obvious that the set up of my house is mostly to blame for these discomforts. But I will survive.

I get asked a lot about if I have any weird cravings. I'm not sure if people want me to tell them that I have been eating toilet paper or something. BUT I have fortunately not been interested in anything that would not normally be considered food. There hasn't been anything specific that has lasted my entire pregnancy that I've craved. It really varies. But when I crave something I HAVE TO HAVE IT! Lately the object of my obsession is Mexican food. Namely, tamales. There's a Mexican guy who comes into my work everyday selling Tamales and burritos. He hadn't been in for a couple of months until recently, when one day I was like "MAN I WOULD KILL FOR A TAMALE RIGHT NOW" and then not even 4 minutes later, TAMALE GUY WALKS IN. It was a miracle. A delicious miracle. Ever since then, I can summon him with my mind whenever my craving kicks in. He is my best friend.

In other news, this little dude kicks me like a lot. I shouldn't say kicking because I have no proof that he isn't punching or head butting or butt butting or elbowing. He is most active in the night time. Which is kind of inconvenient but is so cool that sometimes I forget he's keeping me up. I haven't had morning sickness in a few weeks! So that's something to celebrate! Also, lately a thing I do is that I freak about the fact that A) he has to somehow come out of me. B) We will be in charge of not totally ruining his life for the next 18 years. and C) what if he is an ugly baby?
I'm hoping these anxieties will pass, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy all the good stuff while I can. Like people touching my belly, afternoon naps, maternity pants, feeling him move around and having him all to myself, and of course eating food.

Here's my sexiest cutest preggie selfie. try to resist pinning it to your maternity inspiration board, because it will make everyone else look bad. but for real, the face I'm making is a little bit terrifying.

another man.

I never thought there would be room in my heart for loving another man besides Tayl. But then on Saturday I saw that tiny little man junk on the ultrasound and I felt like my heart grew 100x bigger (like the Grinch) to make room for our new little dude.

I didn't really make a secret that I wanted a girl. I wanted one because I had always imagined myself with a girl first. I knew that if I had a girl, I would name her after my mom and we would be bff and I could buy her expensive clothes and I would teach her to hate Disney princesses and be awesome. BUT I knew deep down that I had this little guy inside of me.

So I wasn't disappointed at all when I found out it was a boy, and I wasn't all that surprised either. but I was so happy. I couldn't stop smiling. I always loved this little thing already, but knowing whether it was a boy or not just created this new kind of bonding for me. I'm sure if you're a mama, you understand.

Anyway, enough jibber jabber and onto the pics:

the teeniest weinie in the world.

This picture was the coolest because it was at the end after he had been jabbed on for like 15 minutes
and I felt like it was his way of saying, "OKAY LADY GTFO!" 

SKELETOR!!!!

11 confessions of a girl who doesn't care.

Lately, or maybe it's been for awhile and I just haven't noticed, I feel like the blogging world is getting out of control. I feel like women everywhere are trying ever so desperately to make their lives look perfect in hopes that they will gain another follower for their blog and make people jealous of them. Which I can totally respect the whole becoming a famous blogger and making money off your blog, but I just do not care enough to make my blog be something that people are obsessed with. (Sometimes I even post posts with NO PICTURES! GASP! ) and I think it's crazy to try and make your life something that it isn't to impress people you don't know, or worse people you don't even like.

So today, I am going to tell you things about me so that you know how not perfect my life is. I guess these can be considered confessions

1) I am super stoked for my baby bump to start showing so I can stop trying to suck in my fat belly all the time. I can finally be so fat for a reason.

2) The other day I found dog poop in my closet. How long had it been there? I have no idea. and I didn't clean it up right away. Because I never go in my closet.

3) The other day I ate a sandwich, immediately barfed it up and was hungry again so I ate the rest of Tayl's sandwich.

4) We've lived in our house for 6 months and I have done next to no decorating. Decorating is hard.

5) The other night I didn't want to get out of bed to brush my teeth so I made Taylor bring me a wisp brush instead.

6) When I'm at work and I need to pick a wedgie, fart, or itch my breast (WHY ARE THEY SO ITCHY?) I go in the supply closet so I can do it privately.

7) Clean clothes? They stay in the basket. Or go on the floor. I haven't folded clothes in months.

8) I made Taylor drive me to 6 different Gas stations for a hot dog and then I didn't even finish the hot dog because it wasn't that good.

9) Febreeze and Wrinkle Releaser is just as good as a wash and dry.

10) I haven't cleaned my kitchen since February. Taylor has. But I have not.

11) The other day I made mac n Cheese and the noodles overcooked so I let them sit there for 3 hours, dumped them out, washed the pot and made another box. Those over cooked too. So I threw those away too.

SO TO ALL OF YOU, people who think you're tricking people on the internet into thinking your life is cooler than it is, I KNOW YOU CAN'T BE THAT PERFECT IN REAL LIFE. You might not be as weird and lazy and gross as me, but I'm not jealous of you.

GET IN MY MOUTH: heart-stopping creamy cheesy chicken jalapeno enchiladas

I think things are getting better for me. I haven't been able to make dinner since I was impregnated. I neverknew when just stepping into the kitchen would make me hurl. But tonight, I did it. Without throwing up. So yay!

One of my favorite things about being a grown up is that I can make whatever food I want and I don't have to put things (LIKE ONIONS, BLEH) in food if I don't want. I LOVE white chicken enchiladas, but they always have onions in them and that kinda ruins it for me cause I'm basically a child. Anyway today I wanted chicken enchiladas so I made this recipe up and they ended up being really good they even have Tayl's approval. So here. Feel free to tweak it anyway you want. I'll probably top with sliced jalapenos next time.

3 cups shredded cheese (I used mexican blend)
1 8 oz block Cream Cheese
2 lb chicken breasts
1 can diced Jalepenos
1/2 cup sour cream
1 Tbs sour cream
1 cup whipping cream
1 can green enchilada sauce
10 medium flour tortillas

preheat oven to 375 degrees. cook chicken (I like to boil mine) shred, mix with block of cream cheese, 1 cup shredded cheese, jalapenos, and tablespoon of sour cream. Lightly spray 9x13 glass pan. stuff with mixture and roll tortillas and place in pan seam side down.  set aside. pour whipping cream, sour cream, and enchilada sauce in a bowl, mix with an electric mixer until mixture is a slightly thicker. Pour over rolled tortillas. Then top with 2 cups cheese. Bake for about 30 minutes or until cheese is bubbly. Let rest for 5 minutes before serving. Shovel into yo mouth, enjoy.

FAQs and Pregnancy Promises.

When you tell the world that you're with child, many questions arise. So, I have decided to place here some answers to a couple of frequently asked questions as well as some of my promises to my social networking pals now that I am publicly pregnant.

FAQ #1: When are you due?

My due date is confusing. It is sometime between Halloween and November 4th. But if I have learned anything in my quest for knowledge about child birth, it is that Due Dates don't mean jack SHMIT.

FAQ #2: How far along are you?

As of today, I am 11 weeks and 3 days. if you want to get technical.

FAQ #3: How are you feeling?

Thanks for asking! I feel like crap 80% of the time, and I throw up almost every morning. But when I saw that baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound, it made every gag, every heave over the toilet, every getting up to pee 50 times in the night, every sore breast, every time I feel so tired I can't move off of the couch and even the fact that I can't eat cold deli meat, TOTALLY worth it. Plus, I know that my sickness isn't even close to the worst.

FAQ #4: Was it planned?

We've been married for two years, Tayl has a permanent job, we're homeowners, we've reached our limit of dogs before it starts to get weird, and we're not getting any younger. SO no, it wasn't strategically planned, but it wasn't all that surprising, and it's pretty good timing. SO WE'LL TAKE IT!

Just had to put this up for documentation.

Now with that out of the way, I would like to take just a moment to make some promises I would like to make to you, my peers. (These do not apply to Taylor, namely #1)

Promise #1: I promise that I will not complain about the discomforts of pregnancy on my facebook page, or my blog. The first reason being, it's annoying as hell. The second is that I don't think this is fair  to women who can't conceive, are having trouble conceiving, or have lost babies. And I am so so grateful that I am able to carry my own babies. 

Promise #2: I promise not to over exaggerate the joys of pregnancy.

Promise #3: I promise that I do not want unsolicited advice about the birthing process and I promise that my birth plan is not something I will discuss publicly. 

Promise #4: I promise that I will do my best not to let motherhood make me lame. 

That's really all. I can't promise much more than that. Sorry ya'll.

a slightly sporadic and moderately vague post about love.

Something about the anniversary of things makes everyone sentimental. And today is no different for me, so I apologize in advance.

today we have been married for 2 years. It has blown by so quickly that I can hardly believe it's really been that long. it's so cliche to talk about how quickly time flies, but it seriously does. I'm afraid if I blink I'll open my eyes and it we'll be celebrating 50 years together.

If you could be a fly on the wall in our house (which isn't to say we have a lot of flies in our house...) you might catch me every once in a while saying something along the lines of how sad it is that Taylor and I don't have the kind of "love at first sight" love story. Because it was more like a "Hi, you're a person. Nice to meet you." story the first time we met. But in all seriousness, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. My whole life, all of the best friendships I've had are with people who had a different impression of me than who I actually was (It's probably because I seem mean and disinterested, but that's just the way my face is, sorry.)
and then as they invested time in me, I grew on them. Because they really got to know me. And getting to know the man who is now my husband was no different.

I could just make a over-zealous facebook status about how MY HUSBAND IS THE BESSSTTTT!!!!! HE BOUGHT ME FLOWERS!!!! But my husband is so much more than that to me. If I could ever even put it in to words, I would. However, I don't know how to. I don't know how to properly explain that after four years with him, I have never for one second thought, "am I with the right person?" even during the times where we don't see eye to eye. It's more than just the butterfly magical feeling that happens at the beginning (which is an amazing feeling nonetheless). And I know this isn't necessarily rare, but with such a high divorce rate in this country, it gives me hope to know that even when I HATE HIM AND I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE FOR BEING A TOTAL IDIOT, I still love the hell out of him and even in those moments I'm not too proud to tell him I love him out loud. And I would literally ruin the life of any person that ever tried to harm him or speak ill of him. I'm being dramatic, but it's true.

I have literally followed this guy all over the world. I married him in Utah and he took me to Hawaii to celebrate, and then to South Carolina for a temporary job, and then to England for training and then to Savannah  and now to Idaho (the glamour of my life has basically completely diminished) And I'd do it a hundred more times if you gave me the chance.

Taylor Giddens is not perfect at all, and neither am I, and even as a couple put together, we are not perfect. But we are perfect FOR each other. (You knew that was coming, didn't you?) I keep trying to spit this all out without saying all the things that have been said or things you expect me to say, but sometimes romantic things are hard to express without sounding overly cliche.

Here are some links to some other times I tried to explain my feelings for this guy publicly on the internet like a freak girl:

This time when it was way too early on to be talking like this but I already knew.

This time when I was being dramatic about how much better Taylor was than my ex-boyfriend (he is though. It's been scientifically proven in a social science experiment I conducted.)

This post where I was trying to be sweet but I am actually kind of rude to single people. Sorry.


Here's to a 1000 more years Tayl. I love you.

i-15 southbound.

the last two weekends we have traveled outside the grasps of potato hell. the first was Easter weekend where we went down to Manti, UT (my hometown). It is typically--- supposedly a 5 hour drive. But for us it turned into a 7 hour drive. On account of the fact that poor Tayl got food poisoning that LUCKILY, kicked in 2 hours into our drive. Barfy McGee had a real rough trip and I was tired and grumpy so I wasn't nice. Until we finally got there and I saw him in the light and his face was actually GRAY and he was shaking like a Polaroid.  He luckily recovered in time for Easter lunch and we had a short little less than 5 hour ride home.
The thing that changed my life Easter weekend: Discovering Dr. Pepper with coconut syrup at Sip It. *DROOL*

NOW this weekend we decided to sneak away for a lovers night getaway to SLC to celebrate our 2 year anniversary a little early. I looked forward to this little trip for two weeks. It's almost all I thought about at work. AND LUCKILY we were able to catch sessions of conference on the radio on the ride down. We decided to eat at Tucano's a Brazilian Steak house (unlimited MEATS) for lunch and then catch an early showing of JURASSIC PARK 3D IN IMAX (WHICH WAS AWWWEEEESSSOOOMMMEEE). Then for dinner we went for sushi at a tasty little place called Simply Sushi. Which has endless sushi for 21 bucks. ANYWAY, We did more than just eat and watch a movie. But for the sake of censorship, I will spare you. But in closing: I love Salt Lake City, and I love my Tayl.

=

a married couple's blog is no place for serious opinions about current events. but i'm breaking all the rules today. plus, i think one day when i'm dead and my great-grandchildren are looking at my blog (because they TOTALLY will) I want them to know where I stood on the matter of equal rights and same-sex marriage. plus everyone's talking about it on facebook and I just want to fit in.

as a disclaimer, I would like to say, that since I'm the only person who writes on this blog it's obvious probably, but this is not necessarily the opinion of Tayl also. I feel that I am safe to speak on behalf of him concerning what food we eat and how our dog barfed in the car, but this is a little more tricky. Furthermore, based on my religious beliefs, I know people who are on both sides of the fence, and I realize that what I'm about to write (assuming that people actually read this... which... maybe not) may make people feel different about me or frustrated with me. And that's fine. It's a free country.

I am cool with people of the same-sex loving each other, getting married, having the tax and healthcare benefits thereof, raising children, getting annoyed with the way the other squeezes the toothpaste tube, and etc. I do not feel that this will in any way affect straight people of various religious beliefs. I don't feel that this will ruin marriage for the rest of us. (SEE: 50% DIVORCE RATE). I don't believe that a child would be worse off being raised by two moms or two dads. I believe that straight people have just as much of a chance of ruining their kid's lives as gay parents. As someone who grew up in a broken home (or actually, a home that never was non-broken, since my parents were never married) I can attest to the fact that children are extremely adaptive and resilient. The most important thing is that their basic needs are met, and that they are loved immensely. I watch a lot of Teen Mom (embarrassing) and I can safely say that most of those children would be a MILLION times better off being raised by two responsible gay parents than by their mothers who are in and out of relationships/jail.

I don't think that religions should have to change their beliefs to accommodate same-sex marriage. But I certainly think they should stay out of the government making it legal or not illegal. I've often wondered, and sometimes been brave enough to ask, what specifically it is that Mormons fear about same-sex marriage becoming legal. The most common answer was the if it were to become legal, the LDS church could be forced to marry same-sex couples in the Temple. Which is in no way possible, certain straight people can't even get married in the Temple. We need to keep church out of the state and the state out of the church. Freedom of religion is important. (but it shouldn't give anyone the right to shove anything down another person's throat.) The follow-up worry to the temple situation was that they would be allowed to marry in LDS churches. Which I'm not really sure about the details of that, but I've known some pretty horrible, druggy, disgusting people get married in an LDS church just because it was free. Only to be divorced a few months later. SO would gay people getting married in a church be the worst thing that ever happened in the cultural hall?? (SEE: CHURCH BASKETBALL).

PLUS, Most gay men would NEVER get married in a place that doubles as a basketball court. They have taste. But that's just a side note. Anyway, that part doesn't matter.

THE POINT HERE IS SIMPLY THIS: I support equal rights. (But I still eat at Chick-Fil-A, it's not a stance, it's just delicious) I believe everyone has the right to be happy. I don't feel that everyone should be forced to believe something that they don't. This isn't communist China, this is America, damnit.  So everyone just be nice to each other, because same-sex marriage will eventually be legal in the whole country. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe it will take 10 or more years, but it will happen. So if you're adamantly against it, you're probably gonna have to get over it, sorry. But if you just be cool about it, it's not going to change your life in any way. K. BYE.

sweatpants and frozen lakes.

On Friday night we headed over to Bear Lake to visit my Grandma for the weekend. If you don't know anything about Bear Lake, you should get to know it, because it's probably the only beautiful thing in southeast Idaho, and the most beautiful thing in Utah. (the two states share the lake). ANYWAY in spite of being beautiful, the towns surrounding the lake are tiny and in the winter, there is next to nothing. So sometimes when we go visit her, she'll have me stop and pick up a few things for her before we leave civilization. On this particular visit, she asked if I could stop and pick up cat AND dog food for her.

It was very convenient because when Roscoe barfed in the car (like I knew he eventually would) we were driving through Soda Springs so we stopped to clean it up in the parking lot of a grocery store, and I decided to run in and grab cat and dog food. Now, mind you, when we left Idaho Falls, I decided to put on sweats because who wants to wear real clothes while riding in the car for 3 hours? NOT ME. So I go into the store and as I'm lugging the box of cat food and the giant bag of dog food I think to myself, "WOW I look like a loser right now. Wearing sweats in public, in a small Idaho town, buying pet food on a Friday night. And this is my life." When I get up to  the cash register the first thing the cashier girl says to me, [very enthusiastically in an Idaho accent] is, "DOIN ANYTHNG FUN TONIGHT!?!" and I was so caught off guard for several reasons. So I just said, "no." But what I wanted to say was, "I'M IN SODA SPRINGS BUYING CAT FOOD IN MY SWEAT PANTS, WHILE MY HUSBAND CLEANS DOG BARF OUT OF THE CAR, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?!"

Idahoans are so dumb. They say things like supposably. And I'm not saying this because I'm bias, I really saw on the news (which wow, you should see the local news here, it is comedy gold, it's like it's produced by elementary school kids from 1996) that Idaho is ranked SECOND TO LAST in Education and also, only 1 in 10 Idaho students will get a degree. Now yes, I am a college dropout, but if you pulled me and 10 of my friends from high school I would be like only one of two that didn't get a degree.

But that's just a side rant. So our weekend with Grandma went well. We helped her drive her 20 year old dog (that she inherited from her twin brother when he died in 2006) to the vet to get put to sleep. Nobody was really sad about it because it was a really big relief, dealing with a dog that old is no bueno.

Then as we always do when someone dies in our family, we went and bought pie.

my cute grandma

Then Taylor gave my Grandma's OTHER dog a hair cut, and then decided to give Roscoe a haircut too.

"all that remains of my old life" -Roscoe Dash

And the lake up there was still frozen so Tayl took a thousand trillion billion photos because snow is still more a novelty than a nuisance to him. But I wasn't as annoyed cause it's Bear Lake.

Then we went home:

Also this:

Lately in our mediocre lives.

Recently I was going through my old instagram photos from last year and it made me sad. I've always said that our life was mediocre, but really until we got to Idaho, it wasn't. I mean we lived in England for 3 months, then we lived in Savannah for a year and there was always something fun to do. The beach, good eatin', historical landmarks, events at the park, going crabbing, St. Patricks day festival, New Years Eve, 4th of July, road tripping to Charleston, kayaking, fishing etc.

It's not to say that I'm miserable here, it's just you never realize how good you have it until afterwards, and perhaps, I hope I will feel that way about Idaho when we leave. (Cross your fingers that one day we leave!)

And now, the purpose of this blog was to update with the actual mediocre things that we've been up to. Which most of you, I will warn you, it is boring, but it's for my personal records. Since Taylor is always printing our blog at the end of the year, our book from 2012 was much smaller than our book from 2011 (and it had four months less!) So I am going to make a better effort, maybe.

I'll start from where I can remember in February
I started a new job! Nothing fancy, but I definitely don't hate it, and that's important. I am a full-time receptionist at a car dealership here in Idaho Falls. I've been here for about a month now and it's going well. But it's given me a reason to hate Mondays again, so that's fun.

My BFF!! came to visit me all the way from Vegas. Well technically she only came from Lehi, but still. It was a blasty. We love eachother and her baby is the COOLEST! and best dressed, even Joan Rivers herself couldn't deny it:

After that weekend Valentine's day was approaching, and to be honest, I don't really care about Valentine's. I think it's much more fun when you're a little kid or you have little kids. I don't HATE Valentine's it's just silly that it's a commercial holiday that gives women a sense of entitlement to expensive gifts. But still Tayl got me roses, which looked like regular roses so I didn't take a picture of them because nobody really cares, except me. And ON Valentine's I threw this little ditty together in like 30 minutes:





 Then the following weekend we headed up to SLC, because said BFF's parents were having their mission farewell. That was sad for me because they are literally like Chicken Nuggets to me. and Chicken Nuggets, is like my family. The trip up there was ridiculous because we learned that Roscoe gets car sick and so he barfed like 12 times. Twice on me.

The last little bit of February, the dogs were a real hassle. Roscoe kept losing his teef. And then one day I came home for Lunch and the dogs had gotten into some of Tayl's specialty dark chocolate I gave him for Valentine's SO, I was freaking out and had to rush them to the vet. Which was 0% fun and 100% expensive. But they are alive.

And other that near death experiences and visits from loved ones, nothing else new exciting.

Oh and I made this wreath on Saturday and BARELY took down the Christmas-y one. At first I thought it was too plain. Because I literally went to Michael's and randomly grabbed stuff. But it turned out pretty good. I like it much more now that I've gone in and out of my door a few times:

That's all the mediocrity for now, folks.

Roscoe Dash.

OH MY GOOOOOOSSSHHHHH YOU GUUUUYYYYYSSSSSSS....

We are alive!

Barely.

Basically what happened is that my battery on my laptop wouldn't hold a charge and so it had to stay plugged in all the time. But then my charger stopped working so I couldn't use my laptop and if I can't watch TV while I blog, then it ain't happening.

Anyway, I'll try harder now. But I figured it would be a good time to go ahead and introduce the latest addition to the Giddens' clan.

He's established a fairly strong presence on facebook and instagram, but not on our blog. So without further ado, I present to you:

Roscoe Dash

He's the cutest puppy in the world, after Lux of course.

Let me tell ya'll the story of how this sweet poopin machine came to be a part of our family.

I knew I wanted to add another canine to our clan, it was pretty depressing to watch Luxie throw her own toys in the air and then chase after them. Also, let's me be totally honest, I'm THAT girl. The dog girl. I am obsessed with dogs and I have been basically since I came to the earth. If I could have 75, I would, but I'll save that for 50 years from now when I'm ready to be featured on an episode of Animal Hoarding. So ANYWAY, you may remember a post in which I tricked people into thinking I was pregnant but it was actually that we were going to adopt my aunt's havanese. Well, in the end my aunt decided she couldn't part with her dear doggy. And I don't blame her, but in the end I was glad. Because Roscoe is my sweet baby angel.

The plan was that we were going to get a new puppy after the holidays so as not to add additional stress to our holiday traveling. SO Naturally I began browsing online, I checked the shelters to see if there were any hypoallergenic dogs for adoption (there weren't, those get snatched up pretty quick) and then I looked on ksl.com and I stumbled upon some "Shorkies" that were available locally and they were so cute, I was dying. I contacted the people to ask if we could just go "LOOK" at the puppies, and they said yes. I called Taylor and told him I would pick him up on his lunch break to go "look" at the last puppy they had available. We got there and immediately fell in love. I told the lady that we would not be able to take him until after the holidays and she said that was fine. But then Taylor suggested that I take him home for "just a little bit" just to see if Lux liked him. So I did.

Lux mostly liked him. Sometimes she just wants him to shut up and leave her alone, but she lets him know. As you may have guessed, I never took him back. I just kept him.

Having him has been fun, and frustrating. He has so much energy and is growing SO quickly. He's already bigger than Lux. He's almost getting that we don't go potty in the house, and I'm proud. His favorite food is anything. His favorite band is Journey. His full name is Roscoe Dash, after the rapper.

The naming of this dog did not come without much suffering. We changed his name about 3000 times, and I called him Puppy and GirlGuy, like a lot. Nothing felt right. We tried to name is Russ for awhile. But that sounded so wrong whenever I said. I really liked Roscoe all along, but I felt like people would judge me. But then, I didn't care because he's my dog.

Anyway, I'll shut up. We love him. He's snuggly and he's my sweet fat boy. Here are more pictures:

as sweet and clear as moonlight through the pines.

I hate not being content with where I am but it's just that Idaho will never compare to Georgia for me.

I miss my in-laws, the warmth, the southern drawls, the humidity, the trees, the seafood, the hospitality, the sounds, the food, and sometimes I even miss the sound of gunshots in the distance, lulling me to sleep. (But maybe I'm just acting desperate.)

I really hope that one day life will take us back to Georgia (OR EVEN TENNESSEE). I want my babies to be little peaches that talk real slow and charm the pants off everyone, but not literally off, just metaphorically, unless they're married. Then it's ok.

just an old sweet song, keeps Georgia on my mind.