sometimes you give birth to a kid.

I love my baby. I love him so much i can hardly comprehend it. It actually terrifies me how much I love him because it makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. However, what I loved less was the process of giving birth to  him. That's not to say I HATED giving birth because things were relatively easy and we both made it out healthy and alive but... let me explain.

I hate that I have to even say that. That I didn't *like* to give birth. I did so much research about childbirth. I would almost say that I knew too much for my own good. I knew that my body knew exactly what it needed to do and the pain was just my body doing the work of getting my baby out. I knew that I wanted to have a natural labor with a midwife at a birth center. To my dismay though, that wasn't how it was going to work for me. When I got pregnant I discovered that my insurance would cover EVERYTHING in a hospital and NOTHING with anything else. Some women would say, "it's worth the 5 grand +!" but that wasn't really in the cards for us. SO I made the best with what I had. I created a birth plan and told my doctors that I wanted to have a natural birth and they were on board. I wasn't delusional by any means, I knew that sometimes things happen when you have a baby and things don't go the way you want. 

BUT, things were going well for me. I had a very healthy pregnancy. My blood pressure was perfect, my pee was clean, my glucose levels were fine, Emerson's heart rate was perfect and his head was down, I was gaining the exact right amount of weight etc etc. So I figured, having the birth I want, should be no problem. I even chose to deliver at a hospital that was totally cool with women having natural deliveries. Everything was fine.

Then, my due date came and went. My OB asked me if I wanted to be induced. I said no. He'd come when he was ready.  So I waited and kept going in for my check ups. To my dismay, my blood pressure started creeping up at each subsequent visit. When I went in at 41 week 5 days, my BP was too high for my OB to be comfortable with so he said we needed to induce. My heart sank. So, we discussed the ways to get labor started and we came to an agreement that I was most comfortable with. I was grateful to have a doctor that listened to my concerns, discussed things through with me, and didn't bully me into things I didn't want. 

So we went home to get all my stuff I had packed. After that, we said a prayer in the car and stopped for lunch and went to the hospital. I wasn't even nervous. Why wasn't I nervous? I have no idea. I was about to experience something completely insane and then my life would be changed forever afterwards and there was no turning back. But at 12:45 PM on 11/11 I was like, no big deal, Let me put on this hospital gown that someone probably died in at some point and watch Honey Boo Boo while my cervix ripens. So for the first few hours, that's what I did.

Apparently contractions were coming but I couldn't feel them other than a little tightening. I would occasionally get up, walk around, pee, snack, whatever. Then I would have to get back in bed to check my blood pressure and the baby's heart rate. Fortunately, as I relaxed my blood pressure started to go down, but it wasn't down very much. And then I had to get Antibiotics in an IV because I was GBS positive and that burned my veins. It was really uncomfortable. At about 5:45 my OB came in to see how I was doing. He decided it would be best if he broke my water. I wasn't super stoked about that. But my BP was betraying me. So he did. And once he did, things really got going. I started to feel the contractions and within three hours they got really intense. At that point I had switched nurses and the new nurse was someone who had delivered her babies naturally, so she showed Taylor how to push my legs and knees into my hips to help relieve of some the pain during contractions. It did help a lot. What I really wanted was to get up and walk around but I had to get another round of antibiotics and my blood pressure was creeping up again. So I was stuck in the bed in pain. I did my best to work through them with the help of my wonderful husband but by 10:45 PM I was exhausted and at my wits end and my blood pressure was insanely high. Like I was about to have a stroke. It was like 200/110 or something. The last time I was checked I was at 5cm, and about an hour later I started having urges to push and my contractions were out of control. At one point I had 3 contractions that overlapped each other and the peak of the pain lasted about 5 minutes straight and the baby was squirmy so they had me on my side to get his heart rate which for some reason intensified the pain of the contractions and all I could do was lay on the bed and writhe and scream in pain.  So the nurse checked me again and I was at 8cm. I was so relieved to know that the pain was actually moving things along. I thought, Okay, I can definitely do this! I'm almost there! So I asked how much longer, and she told me 3-4 hours at the most. At that point I wanted to cry. I looked that nurse right in the eyes and told her I wanted the epidural. It was strange because I had always feared getting to that point in hospital, where I broke down and decided I wanted drugs and I would get it because it was available even though I probably could have done it without it. But in that moment, I was so exhausted, I would try to close my eyes and rest and then a contraction would hit and rest was not an option and so when I decided to get the epidural, I felt no guilt, I felt no fear, I was in survival mode.

when the anesthesiologist came in I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Apparently I wasn't breathing very well so they put an oxygen mask on me. Looking back, I'm not sure if I should have been more scared about that mask but I didn't care. contractions were still coming every minute or so. When he told me I had to hold perfectly still while he jabbed me with that sweet sweet poison I was genuinely scared of being paralyzed or something. But I did it. I had a super intense contraction during that moment but I squeezed Tayl's hand as hard as I could and then it was over. 11:45 PM Within minutes I started to feel relief. For the first time in hours, I was able to smile. I wanted to kiss that anesthesiologist on the mouth. I was back to being excited about my baby coming. The strangest part of the epi was that I could move my legs, and I could still feel when I was having a contraction, but I just didn't feel any pain. I thought I would basically be useless from the waist down.

So I was finally able to just rest, I actually slept. Not well, because I could still feel the contractions (not pain). But, it was the rest I needed. I'm not sure I would have been able to push the baby out of me otherwise. Also, my blood pressure dropped dramatically. I was back in normal ranges. Around 4 AM, I started to push and blah blah blah I'll spare you the gory details but at 5:10 AM my little perfect goopy bundle of joy came out of my womb and into this crazy world at 8 pounds 5 oz and 21 inches long.

Looking back, as time has passed, I am totally okay with how things went down. BUT, the first few days I felt a little internal guilt for getting drugged up while I was giving birth to my baby. It made me upset to even think about it. I was ashamed. I didn't think I would ever be able to tell people my birth story let alone put it on my blog. But in the end, I did what was best for both of us in my situation. As we approach Emerson's one month mark, the most valuable thing I have learned is that the worst thing I can do is go online and read what other mom's are doing or have done. Mom world is a scary world. I'm not an expert... yet. But my baby is healthy and growing and happy and so am I, and so that means I'm doing okay. And everyone else in mom world who judges, can suck it.

wifed up wednesday: DIY "glittering landscape"

I found this project on apartment therapy. I saw it awhile ago but the other day I FINALLY got the last of our wedding gifts and left over decorations in mail from my dad. I found a couple of strands of Christmas lights and remembered this project.

So I went at it.

Here's what you need:

Mini Christmas lights
stretched and stapled Canvas
Hot glue or craft glue
Awl
Pencil
And optionally, you can paint the canvas before working with it.

This took me about 5 hours. Which, as you probably guessed, I was watching Mad Men so I didn't even realize how much time had passed.

First you need to mark where your lights are going to go. You can do this with a pencil on the back of the canvas.

Once you know where your lights are gonna go punch the holes in through the back with the awl (or whatever you have to punch holes). Then stick the lights through and secure them with glue (I used hot glue)


It's a pretty simple process, just time consuming.

 If I were to do it again (and I think I will) I would be a little more careful about where I put my lights AND I would have painted the canvas beforehand. Mine kind of looks abstract and random, but the lights still add a cool ambiance to whatever room you put it in.

wifed up wednesday: sigh, tissue pom poms.

today i realized it was wednesday. i came home from work and i got distracted by video games. because i'm not really a good wife, i just pretend.

i was going to do a picture tutorial like last week but then some other things happened so i made this video. i realize that probably everyone on the planet knows how to make these.

sorry that i look disgusting and sorry that i'm so large. and sorry about my weird hair. and sorry about my dog. but really i'm not sorry about any of it. but i'm truly sorry for the aeropostale hoodie, I don't even know where it came from. i think my friend's exboyfriend. awkward.

here you go! enjoy. next week will be better, i swear.

Tay edited this video for me. I am grateful but I wasn't supervising so weird things happened.

Also, I took way too long and the camera cut off so there's no ending. but here is the end result, in my mouth:

i really hope i don't make a habit out of this video thing or it will defeat the purpose of a blog...

how to be a mormon hipster.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming of boring married blogging to bring you:

HOW TO BE A HIPSTER WHILE KEEPING IT REAL WITH 

THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS.

If you are of the LDS faith, being a hipster might seem to be an impossible task what with the V-necks and the excessive drinking of Pabst Blue Ribbon. But I am here to tell you that it is not. Through observation, google search, and this thrilling article in the NY Times (it can be found HERE) I have done a minimal amount of research on how you can make this possible.

1. Everything you do, DO IT IRONICALLY.  

This is the most important step. I can't stress that enough. This will help you seem super cool with anything you do. Wear stone wash jeans from the thrift store, ironically. Listen to hip hop, ironically. Watch VHS tapes instead of DVDs, ironically. Basically, be poor, ironically.

2. Hair

Hair plays an important role in a hipsters image. I actually don't know why, but it does. For women, it's best to have short hair. As short as you're brave enough for. If this is not possible, it has to be long, and wavy. As far as color, you can dye it or not. If you choose to color it, don't talk about it, ever. This will leave room for people to think that purple hue is your natural color. If you don't color your hair, feel free to brag about this often for street cred purposes. For men, there are several acceptable styles for the mormon hipster but these two are the most ideal:

OR

the ironic mullet

This is really a time for you to get creative. 

3. Facial Hair

It is essential for men that you have SOME kind of facial hair. Whether that be a moustache (personal fave) of any sort, beard, or five o' clock shadow. Of course, goatees and mutton chops are not acceptable, unless of course, you have them IRONICALLY (refer to step one). Female hipsters are not completely exempt from this step, though you are not required to have facial hair, you ARE required to like and date and marry men with facial hair. If you don't like facial hair, pretend that you do. Also, wear fake mustaches whenever possible and acceptable.

4. Clothes & Accessories

I am honestly not going to get super heavy into this one because this could take days. There are so many things that hipsters can wear and still be hipsters. Especially when you throw in irony. Irony can make any outfit cool. (refer again to step one.) HOWEVER the staple in the unisex hipster wardrobe is of course, SKINNY JEANS and baggy tops for women and tight tops for men. Make sure the clothes you buy are 50% from the thrift store and 50% from H&M.  If you are rich you can use some of your H&M half at Urban Outfitters, J. Crew, or Anthro. BUT you can never cut into your thrift store half. Thrifting is ESSENTIAL!  Also, make sure you're always wearing glasses (prescription or not_. These are the preferred styles of glasses. (all styles are unisex)

(we srsly <3 dallas green though)

For the guys: how to get around V-Necks

This probably seems hard. But it's possible. Honestly, the V-neck situation in the world is getting out of hand anyway. The V-necks are getting so deep that people are drowning in the sea of exposed chest hair. So don't feel too bad about missing out on this one because you are endowed. Here are some alternatives: Flannel shirts, t-shirts with wolves on them, t-shirts from bands that are so underground even Brendan Fraser couldn't find them in his Journey to the Center of the Earth and sometimes you can wear suit coats or cardigans over said t-shirts. Also, turtle necks, and ugly sweaters. MAKE SURE NOT TO FORGET TO WEAR A SCARF! Even in the summer.

What about church clothes?

A big part of being a Mormon hipster is that you are, still a Mormon, and being a Mormon means you gotta go to church. Because being inactive, is NOT hip. For the women I have 3 staples for you, Thrift store dresses, flats, and SHOULDER PADS. For the men, make sure to wear fitted dress pants, they're kind of like skinny jeans but for church. As far as ties, don't even THINK about wearing regular ties. This is unacceptable, (UNLESS, it's a tie with a pattern which is appropriate for church, and also ironic.) Some good alternatives for regular ties: skinny ties, bolo ties, or bow ties.

5. Music/Books/Movies

Navigating the hipster scene of multimedia can be daunting. What to watch!? What to hear!? What to read!? 

I'm here to sort of help.

Music

Well, fortunately you being a hipster means you are not stuck with one genre of music. You can do electronic, acoustic, hip-hop, instrumental indie rock, whatever your mood. However it is SO SO SO important that you only listen to underground music. This will give you the upper hand in situations with your "normal" friends. There might come a day when your favorite underground gets out and gets popular, but do not fear. You heard it first. Before they were cool. You are king. Also, You are allowed to listen to top 40, either secretly, or ironically. If you have a Spotify, be VERY careful to only listen to music that no one knows, or makes you look cool.

Books

Don't read Twilight. Too late? That's okay, just tell everyone you hated it. Even if you didn't. Because hating Twilight is what hip people do.

Movies

Movies can be tough because a lot of LDS members don't watch rated R movies. And it's usually pretty essential that hipsters watch and LOVE Wes Anderson movies. Which are pretty much all rated R. Fortunately for you, there is Fantastic Mr. Fox. Watch it. Love it. This is your ticket to cool.

6. College

I am not going to tell you that you HAVE to go to college to be a hipster, but you pretty much do. This is where you will find other hipsters to hang out with OR other hipsters to avoid (avoiding people is cool). If you can't afford school, or just don't feel like it, just go to your nearest college and wander around campus with your backpack and macbook (APPLE PRODUCTS ONLY! FOREVER!) and act like you're studying. It is important to note that you can attend any college you want, EXCEPT BYU. I'm sorry. BYU is not hip. However, BYU-IDAHO, is acceptable. Mormon Hipsters tend to thrive and flourish there. Any school that is an art school is ideal, though.

In summary

If you follow all of these simple steps and add a small amount of your own imagination (but only a very small), you can be a hipster.  Follow the winds of change in the hipster scene and never conform to the norms of society. But I mean, you still have to follow the word of wisdom and the Prophet and stuff. 

Also, ride bikes. But only road bikes or beach cruisers. If all else fails, long board. Or roller skate, ironically.

she bes domestic.

I have been working on living room decor since we moved in. The search for throw pillows/fabric to make throw pillows has been nothing short of a nightmare. Until recently. I found some fabric at Ikea when we stopped there on our way out of Atlanta. (I didn't even know they had fabric) and then I found some mustard throw pillows at world market for only 10 bucks. Then I found some aqua-ish damask-ish fabric at Joann for the long pillow.

Using my sewing machine has been a little bit of a nightmare cause my presser foot lifter broke in half (even after we glued it.) so even though making pillows should be a simple task, even for a sewing noob like me, it took like 3 days and a couple of cut up fingers. BUT ALAS, I have finished.

the color isn't very good cause this is a cell phone picture.

the pink a little bit darker than that.

I won't lie to you though, those pillows look like a 5 year old made them. but they work for now so it's fine.

in other household news, we finally got our crock pot which I may have already mentioned, and so I went a little crazy with the whole "LET'S SLOW COOK!" kind of thing.  I've made pulled pork BBQ sandwiches, chili (from scratch!), a Sunday roast, and the list will continue on. Tomorrow I am making this http://pinterest.com/pin/82542605640025936/

And I actually really love using the Crock Pot. It's been fun. Especially since we don't have a dishwasher and there are less dishes to wash. I'm not going to go into super detail but I just wanted to share a recipe with you if you ever feel like slow cooking. Cause that is what my life is now, getting excited about crock pot recipes.

This one is Taylor's Faaaavorite

Crock Pot Chicken

In the bottom of a crock pot melt 1/2 cube butter

Add 4 chicken breasts, thawed.

2 packets dried italian dressing mix

2 cans of cream of mushroom soup

Garlic as desired

Let it cook for anywhere from 4 to 5 hours, and about an hour before serving add 1 pkg of cream cheese and 1 regular sized sour cream. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve over rice or noodles.

I know I should have taken a picture of it but it looked like vomit, it was delicious though.

Also, just as an added bonus, I would like to share with you the most simple recipe of all time. Whenever I would tell people about this they were like, "yeah, I already knew that" so I think it was one of those things that everyone knew but me, but I'm gonna share it on the off chance that someone out there was like me. And apparently this is a weight watcher recipe, just what I heard.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

In a mixing bowl combine the following:

1 package spice cake mix

1 package chocolate chips

1 15 oz can of pumpkin

Preheat oven to 375. Drop spoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet. bake 8-10 minutes.

Keep an eye on these because they look pretty much the same in dough form as they do cooked. Since they are so cake-like you can stick a toothpick or a fork in them to check if they're done. That's what I do.

oh! Christmas tree.

OK, so here is our standard run of the mill newlywed first Christmas tree post.

So I don't know what it is about being married that has me all stoked for Christmas stuff, but it does. It's probably the same thing that makes me blog all the time. Marriage is magical.

Get this, I am actually listening to Christmas music, RIGHT NOW. I mean, really. Me. The person who has cursed Christmas music for her entire life. However, it is the Indie Christmas Pandora station, so it's like Sufjan Stevens, a little more my taste. But, STILL Christmas songs guys!!
[Don't worry, I am never going to be able to listen to it on my own before Dec. 1st though.]

Clear back in August while I was homesick in England I was daydreaming about our life when we get home and what I was going to do with our Christmas tree, and I decided that I was going to make miniature tissue pom pom's for our ornaments. I KNOW, it's kind of lame, and uncreative, but it was cheap, easy, and cute.

I also bought the cheap snowflake ornaments at Target.

We tried to make decorating the tree together an ordeal, but it took about 5 minutes. It was still fun though.

Behold, the tree.

We just used Lux's Santa hat for a topper cause I'm cheap.

ALSO we bought LED lights. Which are AWESOME!

P.S. if you want to know how to make the tissue pom poms..

 click HERE! and just follow the directions, but use small pieces of tissue paper. Also I just bought the cheap little ornament hooks from target (300 for a buck!) to hang them on. I'm too lazy and not pretentious enough to do my own tutorial, even though a lot of people ask me how I made those, since I also made 2000 of them for our wedding.