The Couch Story aka My 1st REAL Redneck Experience

Just to clear the air before we get started, this is NOT the couch that we are picking up today.

This is a story all about how our life got flipped, turned up side down.......... For a couple of hours.

So as I said, I was in --what felt like, a never-ending search for a grey couch.  So you can imagine my delight and excitement when I saw a grey sectional posted on Craigslist on Sunday night. Normally I skip over the listings without pictures, but I had to see it. So Taylor called and the guy emailed the pictures to me.

Sometimes I have to consciously make an effort not to be a photo snob, because I've been spoiled by Tay's DSLR. But these pictures were taken on a cell phone and they were pretty bad. Anyway, no matter, I was still all amped up about it being grey. So Taylor asked the guy where he lived, "near Hinesville" he said. Which is about, 45 min -1 hr away. Which is where they have a lot of trailer parks. And I said to Taylor, "Oh, he probably lives in a trailer park." To which Taylor replied "No, he said he has the couch in his shed. People who live in trailers don't have sheds." And he is more of the trailer park expert so I listened. Anyway, we made plans to go see the couch Monday evening after Taylor got off of work.

[The guy posted the couch, again (for about the 4th time) and this time with the *high quality* pictures along with it. So this isn't the listing that I initially saw, but I thought I would screen shot it for visual aid purposes.]

Okay, let us pause and analyze for just a moment, so the couch here is listed as a REMBRANDT sofa. Go Google Rembrandt couch and see what comes up. Go ahead. I'll wait. Okay, see how there is nothing?? So I knew from the start that couldn't be right, I knew that Rembrandt makes teeth whitening products, and I was pretty sure they hadn't ventured into the furniture business. But anyway, more on that in a minute...

So the guy gave us his address and we put it in the GPS to see how long it would really take us to get there. Remember that he said he lived near Hinesville. Let me show you where Hinesville is in comparison to Savannah (where we are):

So, it is quite a drive, but worth it for a grey couch for me. So we go ahead and put the address his gave us in the GPS, and this is where he actually lived:

As you can see, the B marker is where Hinesville is, and the C marker is where he lived, outside of a [horrendous smelling] town called Jesup.  Just so we're clear, that is almost TWICE as long of a drive as the drive to Hinesville. So I was starting to feel like maybe the couch wasn't really worth it.

When I woke up on Monday I kept feeling like I should just forget about the couch. It was too far, and we don't have a truck to get it here so it would probably cost us a buttload and a half just to get it home. And it would have to make a SECOND trip there and it didn't look THAT great. So I had decided we were not going. And then I got a call from Taylor at work, who was trying to figure out a plan to go look at the couch that night after her got off work. "I don't want to go. I don't think it's worth it." Then Tay was like, "Come on, we have to try. You might love it!! and it's a lot cheaper than a brand new one. and if we get this cheaper couch we can get a new mattress."  I told him I didn't care. But after we got off the phone I started to feel guilty, I thought about how I had been acting like a brat all week and maybe it would be the best couch ever. So against my better judgement.... we went.

So we're driving along and Taylor is tired so he's boring and Lux isn't doing anything particularly exciting so I just started yelling things and laughing about how stupid we were for driving almost two hours to go look at some redneck's old couch, that he bought used from Craigslist.

FINALLY, we get there. And it's dark and as we pull up we can see that they do in fact, live in a trailer. There's a very butchy woman in the kitchen window, and at first I'm not sure if it's a man or a woman. Taylor gives the guy a call to make sure we're at the right place and the guy is at Wal-Mart [of course, a town with only 700 people, still has a Wal-Mart...... ugh.] and says he'll be there in 5 minutes. So we wait in the car.

About 2 minutes later, a truck pulls up. So we get out, and go introduce ourselves to the man who gets out of the truck, who looks like he's 65. As soon as he opened his mouth I could hardly stand myself. I've heard all sorts of southern accents, but his sounded exactly like the way me and Tay talk to eachother in jokey southern accents. I mean EXACTLY. Well it turns out this guy isn't the guy with the couch, but his BFF. So the butchy woman then emerges from the trailer saying "Ya'll come on in here!!!" and we obeyed. We go inside and meet the butchy woman, who is couch guy's mom.There is a toddler sleeping in a car seat by the TV. Upon entering the light I can see that couch guy's BFF is not 65, he is young, in his early twenties. So we sit on the couch (not the couch on craigslist) and wait. Normally, in awkward situations Taylor is very good at chatting with people and diffusing the situation. In this particular instance, Tay was extremely tired and not up for chatting. So I am forced to make conversation WITHOUT laughing in this guys face. I ask him about the town and if he's lived there his whole life, he has, of course. He tells me there is about 700 people in the town. I tell him I grew up in a town with about 2000 to make him feel like I'm on his level, but he is more impressed than anything.

FINALLY, couch guy pulls up and we go out to meet him so we can go look at the couch.....in the shed. Behind his trailer. Couch guy is also, young, and is with his anorexic scraggly smoking girlfriend, who walks by, ignoring us, heading for the house. Which is totally fine by me, I don't think I can handle anymore stereotypes coming to life in front of my eyes at this point. Couch guy is a real nice guy, he is explaining to us how he lives with his mom and his girlfriend just moved in with them so they have a couple of couches to get rid of. He pulls the car up so that we have some light shining on the shed. I think that was when the reality of everything really hit me. It literally took everything out of me to not start LAUGHING. and I MEAN REALLY LAUGHING. There's what looks like 80 couches piled on top of each other in the shed and I see a roach scurry off. They pull out one section and the cushions and we sit on it. It's kind of romantic, sitting outside on part of a sectional, in the light of car headlights, just the two of us, and couch guy and his BFF.

So I know what you're really wondering, how was the COUCH? Well, it wasn't that bad actually. I'm not really sure what fabric it was but I know it wasn't microfiber, or anything that would ever be stain resistant. And the cushions were very obviously sat in and used. But it wasn't the worst couch ever, and I don't think it smelled like pee, sex, or cigarette smoke. Which is always nice.

While they were putting the cushions back I saw the tag with the brand name on the couch which was BERNHARDT. not Rembrandt. But I didn't say anything because I didn't want him to feel like I was patronizing him. If he even knew what that meant. And when Taylor asked him the brand while we were there he seemed so confident. He said "It's Rembrandt. Yep. Rembrandt."  HE SAID IT TWICE.

We tell couch guy we appreciate him showing us the couch and inside I'm thinking, "These guys probably think we are the dumbest idiots, driving 2 hours to LOOK at a couch for 3 minutes." Then I think, "I can't believe I've gotten to this point in my life where I am worried about what people, let alone rednecks are thinking about me." He tells us he's no rush and he'd deliver for us if we pay for gas. He tells us he's not busy but he's in school all day. Then Taylor asks where, and he says the technical college down the road. Couch guy then proceeds to tell us he is graduating in May and can't wait to be done cause he's been there for a year and a half. And if I were Taylor, at that moment I would have been like TRY GOING FOR 6 YEARS!! But he ain't even like that. Anyway, it's not like I can talk, I'm a college drop out.

So then we part ways and spend the entire drive home laughing and I keep yelling,

"THAT JUST HAPPENED!!!"

I like to yell in the car.

Looking for rugs in all the wrong places.

Upon doing a brief inventory of the stuff that we had, I made a mental list of things that we needed ASAP. The list (highest priority on top) was as follows:

Kitchen Table
Couch
Rugs
Computer Desk
Craft table

April and I spent all day searching and searching for couches and a table, I think we went to every furniture store and their scratch and dent sections. We searched high and low in several thrift stores.

I even found this little book for 30 cents

Which I HAD to get because I saw this page in it and was extremely amused:

Anyway, we found some couches that I liked, and even a couple of tables. But I didn't want to rush into anything a blow all of my money that I got. I was getting discouraged that I wouldn't find a cheap anything though.

I wanted to search on craigslist but without the internet it was difficult (this was before I discovered the craigslist APP for android.) but Taylor's mom was searching on there for us and found a Pottery Barn table with EIGHT chairs for 200 bucks, so I downloaded the app, looked at the table and I was like, gotta have that table. (We have a dining room that needed to be filled.) So we drove out to Skidaway Island and looked at it, loved it, and got it. We SOMEHOW fit the table, the two extensions, the eight chairs AND April all in the back of Taylor's Nitro, it was nothing short of a miracle. Thanks Sheryl, you saved the day with that find!!

Taylor made me hold the sign...... gay.

So then the next day we (April and I, again, she is a lifesaver) could focus solely on couches. We went to some new stores and back to couches I had already looked at. The thing that made it difficult about couches was that A) I was on a budget and B) I wanted a grey couch. I had a few visions for decor and none of them involved Earth tones, that is no offense to anyone who has or loves earth tones. I'm sure Ape thought I was being a total diva, but she was still very helpful. I saw an Aqua-ish couch at Ashley Furniture that I really liked, but it was too ballsy for to get a couch that wasn't a neutral color (at a high price), Anyway, so after I did all that looking I had to take Taylor back to see what he liked (cause I'm nice) and Mr. Diva was hungry and so he was doing the "this is too hard. this is too soft. this feels like it's pushing me off, this one is too deep. I can feel the wood in the arm rest" [that was sooo many that's what she said's in a row!!]and I was like I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE CHEST! Then we fed him and it was all good. I love him.

Meanwhile, during the couch fiasco, I was looking for rugs. I feel like I really need rugs because A) wood floors are pretty but not cozy, and B) our wood floors were not even pretty. So really, the wood has nothing going for it. Other than giving us hipster street cred, which is what we need, with all the SCAD students lurking about. I was getting real real mad about rugs because I just wanted inexpensive rugs, that were simple, simple or cool and not like weird Persian rugs. I don't even have children yet, why should I have a grandma rug? There's not an ikea nearby that I know of, the closest is in Atlanta, 4 hours away. Not that even Ikea has a huge selection of what I'm looking for. So anyway I perusing craigslist on my phone when I saw a post for "Fun Accent Rugs" so I clicked on it and one was from Ikea, the cheapest one they have, and one was from Urban Outfitters. They were only 15 bucks a piece. I didn't LOVE the one from Urban outfitters but I figured it could go in the craft room/office (since, I'll probably get it stained with a spill of some sort eventually, let's be honest.) So I got em and here they are.

It's kinda dirty cause I was building shelves on it and Lux has been playing on it. I am pretty sure that everyone has this rug. But I don't care. 15 bucks. Bam.

This is the one from Urban, It's really not that bad. It'll do.

So that got me to thinking, WHY haven't I been looking at Urban Outfitters for rugs!? So I went on there and I found quite a few that I like, anyway I am pretty sure I can get all the rugs I need for the house for under $150!! BOOYA. My rug woes have ceased. I told Taylor about my realization about how I was looking for rugs in all the wrong places, and he thought it was funny. But it was serious.

Okay so that's a lot of luck to be had with craigslist already am I right? Well it doesn't stop there.

While I was watching a movie in the garage with Taylor on Sunday while we bug bombed our kitchen, I thought the movie was boring so I was doing some more craigslisting on my phone and that's when I saw it.

GREY SECTIONAL!

There were no pictures which is never a good sign but I had to see it so Taylor called and talked to the guy who was supposedly in Hinesville, anyway, this whole thing is a story to be told in it's own blog post. so I will stop there, and fill you in later. [i wrote about it, here.]

So anyway, long story (which I will share, don't worry) short, that wasn't "THE ONE" and I was discouraged, but also debating whether or not to bite the bullet and make it be the one. But then the unthinkable happened. Two days later I was going through the listings again and another one was posted:

Gray Micro Suede Sectional Couch - $400 (Pooler)And I was like WHAT. How is this possible? So I got a hold of them and we went and looked at it last night and WE ARE GETTING IT! It was a pretty great couch for a pretty great price. Apparently the guy got in Holland 4 years ago while he was stationed there in the army. So we are going to go pick it up tomorrow and WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A COUCH, a real life couch to sit on. There were pictures, but I would rather wait till it's our house to post pictures and also it kind of looks blue in the pictures they posted.. 

I don't really know why the text just did that but I'm too lazy to fix it.
Dreams really do come true on Craigslist.

But some people still get murdered because of it, so be careful.

OH and for the rest of the list, our neighbors are having a baby and trying to get rid of some furniture and gave us a pretty awesome (awesome meaning simple and exactly what we needed) computer desk FO FREE! It was great. and then I just bought a cheap little folding table for my craft table.

So the moral of the story is that things are really working out for old Tay and Kyns. We are super blessed to the maximum.