Sophistication

Just needed this one to go in the book.

doctor, doctor. give me the news.

the other day i counted and since Emerson was born we've been to the pediatricians office 7 times. which is a lot considering that he is only 10 weeks old.

the day he was born, he weighed 8lb 5 oz. when we left the hospital he weighed 7 lb 10 oz. which was a whole ordeal that was annoying and made me never want to have babies at a hospital in Idaho again. Did I ever mention that recovering in the hospital was like the worst two days of my life? I'm being dramatic but it was pretty sucky. No rest. No real help with anything. One nurse forced me to drink a can of prune juice. Emerson had a great latch the first couple of days. BUT I was forced to give him a bottle with formula because I was told in the middle of the night he had lost too much weight (now I know it was a normal amount) and it was the ONLY way. which messed up breastfeeding and then instead of getting real solutions to breastfeeding issues I was given temporary solutions which in the end made it where I couldn't exclusively breastfeed and made me totally hate breastfeeding because it was frustrating and exhausting. But anyway, I'm being a real whiner here. I just think it should be required for ALL hospitals to have certified lactation consultants available and not just L&D Nurses who all have different experiences with breast feeding and just give you advice based on their personal experiences and not actual knowledge on the subject. ANYWAY I'LL STOP RANTING.

then we went for his 3 day check up and he was back up to 7 lb 14 oz. So since he was gaining weight I took it upon myself to attempt to exclusively breastfeed again.

when we went in for his 2 week check up he weighed in at 8 lbs 3.5 oz. and I felt proud. "Screw formula!" I thought. But then the doctor said it wasn't good enough and to come back in a week just for a weight check to make sure he was still gaining. SO I kept breastfeeding.

a week later we went in and when I put him on the scale the scale said 8 lb 3.5 oz again. and I was devastated. I wanted to cry right there.  but I waited until we got into the car.  I failed as a mom. The one job I had was to make him grow and I couldn't. they told me to either supplement with formula or increase the number of feedings. I was exhausted and heartbroken. I felt like the only thing I was doing was feeding him non stop. They told me to come back AGAIN in a week.

So to my dismay I started to supplement with formula. In a way it was nice because Taylor could help with middle of the night feedings even if I hadn't pumped enough milk. But I felt so guilty.

A week later I took him and when he got on the scale he weighed 8 lb 14 oz. I was so excited! He had gained 10.5 oz in 7 days! My guilt started to fade when I realized that even though hippy moms all over the world might think I'm a failure as a mom, at least he was growing and back on track.

[In case you haven't been counting we are now up to 4 doctors visits.]

Then we went to GA for Christmas. I'm not sure where it happened but when we got home Emerson was sick. It was the saddest thing in the world. It was most just a stuffy runny nose but when he started coughing I got scared and decided to take him into the doctor even though his 2 month appt was only 4 days away. When I took him to get checked out he weighed 10 lb 10 oz. I was so relieved that he was gaining weight still. But the days following that until his 2 month check up he was spitting up A LOT and OFTEN because of all the mucous he was swallowing (I KNOW TMI but WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? ITS MOM LYFE).

So at his two month check up he weighed 10 lb 5 oz. He had lost 5 oz. I had kind of expected it with all the throwing up. In fact he had thrown up in the car on the way to the appt. but I was bummed out because I knew they were gonna make me come back. Which I'll do anything to ensure that my baby is healthy but A) I kind of hate the pediatric center and B) loading a kid up to be somewhere on time is hard.

SO YESTERDAY we went back to check his weight AGAIN and homeboy weighed in at 11 LBS AND 5 OZ. I WAS STOKED! He had gain a pound in ten days. Putting him in the 15th percentile (he's a little guy, but at least he's on the charts)

This post turned into more of a rant than I had expected. But hopefully he won't need to go back until his 4 month check up. I just wish that *I* could be the one who had such a hard time putting weight on. sheesh.

Luh my baby though.

I can wait.

Once you become an adult, it seems like time flies a million times faster than it ever did before. Once you have a kid, it's even more so. Even when you're walking around like a zombie wondering how you are even alive with the little to no sleep you've gotten in the last month.

But even still I catch myself saying "I can't wait until he can...." about Emerson and immediately I think of him as a grown up, get sad, and I take it back and say, "Well, I can wait."

Things might be a little easier when he can sit up in the tub on his own and I don't have to hold him up by his bum so he doesn't get water in his ears. It might be easier when he can hold his own bottle. It might be easier  to carry him around when he can hold his head up on his own for longer periods of time. It might be more fun when he full on giggles at us. It might be more fun when he's a toddler who says hilarious things. It might even be more fun when he's big enough to play with the dogs. My heart might explode when he starts calling me mommy.

But right now is good too. Actually, right now is perfect. I know one day he won't need me for every little thing and that makes me a little sad to think about. So I'm trying to savor everything. Every smile, every late night exhausted feeding, every milestone, and even every poopy diaper.

 I can wait for him to grow up.

Emerson: month two

my happy baby
you've been with us for TWO MONTHS now. and surprise surprise, we still love you.

right now you're sick with a cold. i had to take you to the doctor to make sure that it wasn't anything more serious. fortunately it wasn't, but unfortunately I can't really do much to make you feel better. which makes me feel pretty helpless. plus, you've cried more the last couple of days than you have in your entire two months of life. it makes my heart hurt. BUT you've still managed to give me a few smiles everyday and that makes everything better.

we got to go to Georgia for Christmas! It was your first Christmas (obviously) your first plane ride (obviously) and your first time in Georgia (obviously). You did awesome on the plane. (That probably won't be the case next year when you're mobile.) and Your nana and pop and aunts and uncles and cousins loved you! We got to have family pictures taken while we were there and you slept through the entire photoshoot. I guess I'll let it slide this time, since you are an infant and all. Your cousin Paisley REALLY loved you. She kept calling you babies" and any time she would see me or your dad with or without you she would say "Babies! Babies! Babies!" When you wore your sweet little bear suit she wanted to carry you around like her baby dolls.

you've started smiling a LOT more. you kind of laugh sometimes too. we have conversations back and forth. You don't really you know, use words-- but I get the idea. You love to PLAY. You started kicking and punching (dancing) when you lay on your back so I thought it might be a good time to get you an activity play mat. you probably don't really understand what you're doing but you do grab the rings on the toys and hit them and it seems to make you excited. You're basically a genius. I mean, for your age. Keep this up! With any luck you'll be a child prodigy and make us rich so we can leave Idaho.

You are the coolest and we love your face off!

love, mom