Easter

Easter is a holiday with strange vibes. It's not near as hyped up as Christmas or Thanksgiving but I find myself feeling the most sad on Easter when we have to be away from Family. More than any other holiday.

I also kind of dropped the ball on getting Emerson a cute outfit for Easter which is like my number one job as a mom on this day. Sigh.

Anyway, it wasn't a bad day. Just missing some family.

Here are some pics!

date night surprise.

about a month ago, i decided that i wanted to plan a surprise overnight getaway for Tayl for our anniversary.

when I thought about leaving my baby overnight, I panicked. but I was reassured by my beef, Jen, that he would be perfectly fine and there was nothing wrong with leaving him for one night.

So I swallowed all of my worries and booked the hotel, hoping that I would be able to pull this off.

Taylor knew that my dad and step-mom were going to babysit while we went on a date. We decided to go to Color Me Mine and get sushi for dinner and then that was it. It just so happened that Color Me Mine was having a pajama night where if you show up in your PJs the studio fee per person is 2 dollars instead 10. So we agreed that we would do that, because we're always just going to dinner and movie and it would be something different.

So we showed up to that place in our pajamas like a couple of geeky teenagers on a prom date and the girl at the counter is like, "are you guys here to paint?" I was like, "no, we just like to loiter at places of business in pajamas for the hell of it." Okay, I didn't really say that. If I had a dime for the number of times I have to swallow back some mean sarcastic comment because of something stupid a stranger said, I'd have like 50 dollars in dimes.

Anyway, it turns out that they had no available tables for painting. So they said they would put us on a waiting list and call when something opened up. So immediately I'm like, F this. (F as in forget) we walked back to the car, and I looked up what time and where The Grand Budapest Hotel was playing. We had just enough time to get downtown. We changed our clothes in the parking deck like hobos and made it just in time.

After the movie, we went to go get sushi.  When we pulled up to the restaurant I noticed that it was right across from the hotel. Which was really convenient.

Prior to the date I thought about ways I could execute letting Taylor know about the hotel stay. I wasn't sure how I would be able to pull it off and so on the way to dinner I shot from the hip and told him I was buying his anniversary present from a guy on craigslist but the guy wanted to meet in the lobby of this hotel. Tayl was slightly concerned about this, "should I go in with you?" "are you gonna be okay?" "maybe you should talk to me on the phone while you're walking up to him." but I assured him all would be fine and I didn't want him to see what I was getting him. I told him not to pull up to the doors cause I didn't want him to see. So I went inside, checked in, and walked back out to the car. I got inside and handed him the room key and said "Happy Anniversary" he stared at them for like what seemed like forever as though he had no idea what he was holding in his hand. Finally he said, "wait, are we staying here?"

At first he didn't seem like he was very excited. But then I realized that I had about a month to prepare for leaving the baby overnight without one of us, Taylor had none time to mentally prepare so he was just trying to process, that boy loves his baby, like a lot. In the end he was excited and happy.

Then we went up to our hotel room, watched the news, kissed each other goodnight, and went straight to bed.

(I'm lying about that part. But I'll spare you the details.)

Emerson: Month 5

EMER!

you sweet thang. you are 5 months old and you are always making us laugh now!

just in the last couple of days you've started yelling like an old lady, you are discovering your voice in the most hilarious ways possible.

you LOVE dogs. not just our dogs but any dogs. just looking at a dog will make you laugh so hard and you reach out to grab them. it makes me happy because dogs are the best (much better than people, or cats).

also, you're quite the little thug baby. you love music but you REALLY love Trophies by Drake. You actually dance to that song. You'll sit in your little play center seat and just go crazy when it's on. If I pause it you'll stop and hold perfectly still until I turn it on again. You are a cool dude.

this month we went to bear lake for the week without your daddy. we missed him and he missed us but we had a good time with your great-grandma and great aunt holly and the boys. those boys were obsessed with you. they loved to feed you and hold you and play with you and make you laugh, you loved them too.

we also left you overnight for the first time with your gpa & gma so we could celebrate our anniversary while we were in SLC. it was hard to leave you for so long but we had fun and so did you. you were a good boy, like you usually always are, unless you're teething.

you're growing and learning everyday, like most babies do. you've learned how to roll from your back to your belly. so that probably means you'll be rolling around this house any day now, beginning your life of mobility (YIKES, Am I ready for that? I guess I'll have to be.)

anyway, as per usual, I love you. WE both love you. we are so glad it's starting to get warm. we are gonna do fun stuff this spring/summer.

love mommy xoxox

the one that got away.

*WARNING* love and emotions.

today is our 3 year anniversary. so this is kind of a love letter to my husband. except a love letter that other people can read because no one wants to read the ones I write privately because they would gag or throw up  and/or cry. I guess this might induce the same reaction but in a different way...

sometimes I think about how easy it would have been for Taylor and I not to end up together and it blows my mind. actually I'll be honest, it terrifies me. which is stupid. because why would you be scared of something that never happened? It was just too many close calls. Like dodging bullets. If you would have just slightly tweaked one thing in either of our lives, we could have just never met. Or met but ended up with someone else, anyway.

I think about how many people have the one person in their life that they label as "the one that got away" and how horrible it must feel to live a life of "what ifs" or "what could have beens".

Taylor is my one that got away, that didn't really ever get away. I know that there are lots of people who feel that way about the one they ended up with too. So it's not like we're some kind of needle in a haystack but we are one of the lucky ones. To be in love with no regrets. To know that we are exactly where we belong.

I may hate where I live, but it doesn't make me feel any less blessed. I am married to the man of my dreams and I got to have his beautiful baby and will hopefully pop out a few more in the coming years, and maybe one day live somewhere that I don't hate...

When I think back on our life so far, scenes play through my mind like a movie montage (cue bryan adams cheesy 80's ballad) we're getting engaged and fighting more than ever, we make it through and we're getting married, we're on our honeymoon without a care in the world, we're back to reality, we're getting into debt, we're stressed about our future, we fight sometimes, then we make up, we're relieved when Taylor gets a job, we are living in the UK (seriously, who gets to just live in the UK all expenses paid?), we're homesick, we're moving to Savannah, I'm mad about something, Taylor makes it where I can't stay mad, find out I'm pregnant, 5 days later, miscarriage, Taylor leaves for China for a month, we're skyping, he comes home, we're kissing, we're laughing, we're enjoying Savannah, suddenly we're unemployed, we're bickering, then we're laughing again, he gets a job in Idaho, total shock, we drive to Idaho, when we arrive first thing, I see a lady wearing a scrunchie and I cry because I hate it here, Taylor laughs at me, we live in a camper for a month, we buy our first house, we're settling in, get another dog, a reckless valentine's day, pregnancy test positive, in shock, then really happy, Taylor bringing me cold rags and glasses of water as I barf into the toilet every morning, getting ready for baby, baby gets here, in love with him, adjusting to parenthood, and suddenly we realize we've been
at this for 3 years and we're still in love.

In the scheme of things, 3 years isn't even that long. And the speed at which it has all taken place makes it feel like it's only been a few months.We've seen a lot of places and been through a lot of changes and ups and downs and I'm glad I picked a good one to do it all with.

happy anniversary my love. you're the only one for me, even if we are 11th cousins.