eviction notice.

Dear small person who has taken up residence inside of my uterus,

While I have really enjoyed the time of your stay over the last 9 months, it's time for you to evacuate the premises. I would ask that you would preferably do so in the next 5 days. (I MEAN IF YOU WANNA HAVE AWESOME HALLOWEEN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTIES..... just saying.) I realize that you're nice and comfortable up in there, it sounds nice. But unfortunately my body can no longer tolerate 3000 trips to the bathroom a day, (1500 of them being in the middle of the night) the kicking of the ribs (which feels to be with the force of a fun-size Chuck Norris), having to have help to roll my large sumo-like body out of bed or off of the couch, and also, my knees are having a tough time with this extra 30 pounds you've seem to have brought with you.

It probably sounds like I am complaining but I'm not. (Okay, I am a little) But I would tolerate all of these things a hundred times over for you because I love you. Which is weird. We've never even met. The closest we've come to meeting is when you high five me with your feet. (it's my favorite) And anyway, because I love you, I want you to just be out here. Not just for me but for everyone. I don't REALLY wanna share you but I think I probably have to. Your dad is pretty excited. So excited that he's reading about breastfeeding right now and annoying me with facts. He loves to do that. I'm excited for him to be able to take out his desire to teach everything he knows (which is a lot. probably too much for his own good.) on you too instead of just me.

Now I'm rambling. The point is that WE WANT YOU TO BE HERE ALREADY! I mean I hardly sleep anyway and I'm getting pretty bored being at home waiting for you and running out of TV shows to watch on Netflix, so come on out. Anytime. Preferably soon. Like tomorrow. Or Tuesday. Or now.

Plus, I have so many clothes for you to model. The dogs are getting tired of me dressing them up in your clothes.

Okay well, I love you either way. Even if you do decide to be stubborn and not come out until Thanksgiving. (Actually, that would be unacceptable, so don't get any ideas.)

Love,
The landlord aka Mom

ten.

today I am 34 weeks pregnant. and 10 years without my mom.

yep. 10 years.

I didn't think I would make it here. Once I met someone who's mom had died 10 years prior and I thought, there is no way I will be able to last that long without a mom.

But, here I am. And I feel okay. I feel good. I feel happy. As my baby kicks my ribs to hell, I feel better than I have ever felt before on this day. Obviously, there is a hole in my heart that will never be filled, but the people that have come into my life, (and those who have stayed) over the last ten years have made my life worth living. And I love every single one of them. I just feel insanely blessed. I feel blessed that to be alive and healthy. I feel blessed to have the wonderful family that I have and that I acquired through marriage. I feel blessed that I inherited so many wonderful things from my mother, but that her terrible taste in men wasn't one of them. I am sooo happy with where I am today (and I hope that she is too.) and the number one reason is that I have an incredible husband. And soon, we'll be adding a sweet little baby dude to our crew. (Who I know in my heart has already met my mom.)

As life goes on, you never forget the people that you've lost, and the pain never goes away. But time makes things easier and love makes it possible to go on.

You can see past blogs about my beautiful mom here & here. 

this is an update on being pregnant.

I'm really good at being pregnant, but really bad at it at the same time. My already chubby body was basically designed to carry a child. I am really glad I hadn't discovered the joy that is maternity pants before I got pregnant because I probably would have shamefully worn them all the time. I am already dreading the day I have to fold them up and save them for another pregnancy. I am tired a lot of the time, which is actually not hard for me because I was already lazy. I'm fine with resting A LOT. But I'm bad at being pregnant because I haven't been doing things like, taking weekly belly pics, drinking wheat grass shots, and/or scrap booking. My nesting skills are severely lacking unless you consider buying too many adorable and/or ridiculous baby clothes to be nesting.

25 weeks and I need a freaking hair cut.

Two things that are not my favorite thing right now. Number one, hot flashes. Especially while at home during the day. We don't have central air or any air conditioning on the main floor for that matter and our living room can get up to 88 degrees by 3 PM. Combine that with a hot flash and I basically rip my clothes off and cry. Tay does not understand. I'm sure he thinks I'm a crazy person. On Sunday I went in the backyard and laid on the grass in the shade, in my underwear. I didn't even care if the neighbors saw me through the fence. The second thing is getting up to pee in the middle of the night, sometimes multiple times. It wouldn't be that big of a deal if I didn't have to go downstairs to get to the bathroom. I'm seriously considering a bed pan. A fun side story, one of the last nights that the Giddens were in town (better blog about that too.) April and Jamie had a stomach bug. The toilet was occupied for the majority of that night. When I woke up at 3:30 AM to relieve myself, I prayed that it would be free, but it was not. So I did what any desperate person in my situation would do, and I peed the in the backyard. And I'm not ashamed.

Honestly, now that I review these things, it is obvious that the set up of my house is mostly to blame for these discomforts. But I will survive.

I get asked a lot about if I have any weird cravings. I'm not sure if people want me to tell them that I have been eating toilet paper or something. BUT I have fortunately not been interested in anything that would not normally be considered food. There hasn't been anything specific that has lasted my entire pregnancy that I've craved. It really varies. But when I crave something I HAVE TO HAVE IT! Lately the object of my obsession is Mexican food. Namely, tamales. There's a Mexican guy who comes into my work everyday selling Tamales and burritos. He hadn't been in for a couple of months until recently, when one day I was like "MAN I WOULD KILL FOR A TAMALE RIGHT NOW" and then not even 4 minutes later, TAMALE GUY WALKS IN. It was a miracle. A delicious miracle. Ever since then, I can summon him with my mind whenever my craving kicks in. He is my best friend.

In other news, this little dude kicks me like a lot. I shouldn't say kicking because I have no proof that he isn't punching or head butting or butt butting or elbowing. He is most active in the night time. Which is kind of inconvenient but is so cool that sometimes I forget he's keeping me up. I haven't had morning sickness in a few weeks! So that's something to celebrate! Also, lately a thing I do is that I freak about the fact that A) he has to somehow come out of me. B) We will be in charge of not totally ruining his life for the next 18 years. and C) what if he is an ugly baby?
I'm hoping these anxieties will pass, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy all the good stuff while I can. Like people touching my belly, afternoon naps, maternity pants, feeling him move around and having him all to myself, and of course eating food.

Here's my sexiest cutest preggie selfie. try to resist pinning it to your maternity inspiration board, because it will make everyone else look bad. but for real, the face I'm making is a little bit terrifying.

another man.

I never thought there would be room in my heart for loving another man besides Tayl. But then on Saturday I saw that tiny little man junk on the ultrasound and I felt like my heart grew 100x bigger (like the Grinch) to make room for our new little dude.

I didn't really make a secret that I wanted a girl. I wanted one because I had always imagined myself with a girl first. I knew that if I had a girl, I would name her after my mom and we would be bff and I could buy her expensive clothes and I would teach her to hate Disney princesses and be awesome. BUT I knew deep down that I had this little guy inside of me.

So I wasn't disappointed at all when I found out it was a boy, and I wasn't all that surprised either. but I was so happy. I couldn't stop smiling. I always loved this little thing already, but knowing whether it was a boy or not just created this new kind of bonding for me. I'm sure if you're a mama, you understand.

Anyway, enough jibber jabber and onto the pics:

the teeniest weinie in the world.

This picture was the coolest because it was at the end after he had been jabbed on for like 15 minutes
and I felt like it was his way of saying, "OKAY LADY GTFO!" 

SKELETOR!!!!

11 confessions of a girl who doesn't care.

Lately, or maybe it's been for awhile and I just haven't noticed, I feel like the blogging world is getting out of control. I feel like women everywhere are trying ever so desperately to make their lives look perfect in hopes that they will gain another follower for their blog and make people jealous of them. Which I can totally respect the whole becoming a famous blogger and making money off your blog, but I just do not care enough to make my blog be something that people are obsessed with. (Sometimes I even post posts with NO PICTURES! GASP! ) and I think it's crazy to try and make your life something that it isn't to impress people you don't know, or worse people you don't even like.

So today, I am going to tell you things about me so that you know how not perfect my life is. I guess these can be considered confessions

1) I am super stoked for my baby bump to start showing so I can stop trying to suck in my fat belly all the time. I can finally be so fat for a reason.

2) The other day I found dog poop in my closet. How long had it been there? I have no idea. and I didn't clean it up right away. Because I never go in my closet.

3) The other day I ate a sandwich, immediately barfed it up and was hungry again so I ate the rest of Tayl's sandwich.

4) We've lived in our house for 6 months and I have done next to no decorating. Decorating is hard.

5) The other night I didn't want to get out of bed to brush my teeth so I made Taylor bring me a wisp brush instead.

6) When I'm at work and I need to pick a wedgie, fart, or itch my breast (WHY ARE THEY SO ITCHY?) I go in the supply closet so I can do it privately.

7) Clean clothes? They stay in the basket. Or go on the floor. I haven't folded clothes in months.

8) I made Taylor drive me to 6 different Gas stations for a hot dog and then I didn't even finish the hot dog because it wasn't that good.

9) Febreeze and Wrinkle Releaser is just as good as a wash and dry.

10) I haven't cleaned my kitchen since February. Taylor has. But I have not.

11) The other day I made mac n Cheese and the noodles overcooked so I let them sit there for 3 hours, dumped them out, washed the pot and made another box. Those over cooked too. So I threw those away too.

SO TO ALL OF YOU, people who think you're tricking people on the internet into thinking your life is cooler than it is, I KNOW YOU CAN'T BE THAT PERFECT IN REAL LIFE. You might not be as weird and lazy and gross as me, but I'm not jealous of you.

GET IN MY MOUTH: heart-stopping creamy cheesy chicken jalapeno enchiladas

I think things are getting better for me. I haven't been able to make dinner since I was impregnated. I neverknew when just stepping into the kitchen would make me hurl. But tonight, I did it. Without throwing up. So yay!

One of my favorite things about being a grown up is that I can make whatever food I want and I don't have to put things (LIKE ONIONS, BLEH) in food if I don't want. I LOVE white chicken enchiladas, but they always have onions in them and that kinda ruins it for me cause I'm basically a child. Anyway today I wanted chicken enchiladas so I made this recipe up and they ended up being really good they even have Tayl's approval. So here. Feel free to tweak it anyway you want. I'll probably top with sliced jalapenos next time.

3 cups shredded cheese (I used mexican blend)
1 8 oz block Cream Cheese
2 lb chicken breasts
1 can diced Jalepenos
1/2 cup sour cream
1 Tbs sour cream
1 cup whipping cream
1 can green enchilada sauce
10 medium flour tortillas

preheat oven to 375 degrees. cook chicken (I like to boil mine) shred, mix with block of cream cheese, 1 cup shredded cheese, jalapenos, and tablespoon of sour cream. Lightly spray 9x13 glass pan. stuff with mixture and roll tortillas and place in pan seam side down.  set aside. pour whipping cream, sour cream, and enchilada sauce in a bowl, mix with an electric mixer until mixture is a slightly thicker. Pour over rolled tortillas. Then top with 2 cups cheese. Bake for about 30 minutes or until cheese is bubbly. Let rest for 5 minutes before serving. Shovel into yo mouth, enjoy.

FAQs and Pregnancy Promises.

When you tell the world that you're with child, many questions arise. So, I have decided to place here some answers to a couple of frequently asked questions as well as some of my promises to my social networking pals now that I am publicly pregnant.

FAQ #1: When are you due?

My due date is confusing. It is sometime between Halloween and November 4th. But if I have learned anything in my quest for knowledge about child birth, it is that Due Dates don't mean jack SHMIT.

FAQ #2: How far along are you?

As of today, I am 11 weeks and 3 days. if you want to get technical.

FAQ #3: How are you feeling?

Thanks for asking! I feel like crap 80% of the time, and I throw up almost every morning. But when I saw that baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound, it made every gag, every heave over the toilet, every getting up to pee 50 times in the night, every sore breast, every time I feel so tired I can't move off of the couch and even the fact that I can't eat cold deli meat, TOTALLY worth it. Plus, I know that my sickness isn't even close to the worst.

FAQ #4: Was it planned?

We've been married for two years, Tayl has a permanent job, we're homeowners, we've reached our limit of dogs before it starts to get weird, and we're not getting any younger. SO no, it wasn't strategically planned, but it wasn't all that surprising, and it's pretty good timing. SO WE'LL TAKE IT!

Just had to put this up for documentation.

Now with that out of the way, I would like to take just a moment to make some promises I would like to make to you, my peers. (These do not apply to Taylor, namely #1)

Promise #1: I promise that I will not complain about the discomforts of pregnancy on my facebook page, or my blog. The first reason being, it's annoying as hell. The second is that I don't think this is fair  to women who can't conceive, are having trouble conceiving, or have lost babies. And I am so so grateful that I am able to carry my own babies. 

Promise #2: I promise not to over exaggerate the joys of pregnancy.

Promise #3: I promise that I do not want unsolicited advice about the birthing process and I promise that my birth plan is not something I will discuss publicly. 

Promise #4: I promise that I will do my best not to let motherhood make me lame. 

That's really all. I can't promise much more than that. Sorry ya'll.

a slightly sporadic and moderately vague post about love.

Something about the anniversary of things makes everyone sentimental. And today is no different for me, so I apologize in advance.

today we have been married for 2 years. It has blown by so quickly that I can hardly believe it's really been that long. it's so cliche to talk about how quickly time flies, but it seriously does. I'm afraid if I blink I'll open my eyes and it we'll be celebrating 50 years together.

If you could be a fly on the wall in our house (which isn't to say we have a lot of flies in our house...) you might catch me every once in a while saying something along the lines of how sad it is that Taylor and I don't have the kind of "love at first sight" love story. Because it was more like a "Hi, you're a person. Nice to meet you." story the first time we met. But in all seriousness, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. My whole life, all of the best friendships I've had are with people who had a different impression of me than who I actually was (It's probably because I seem mean and disinterested, but that's just the way my face is, sorry.)
and then as they invested time in me, I grew on them. Because they really got to know me. And getting to know the man who is now my husband was no different.

I could just make a over-zealous facebook status about how MY HUSBAND IS THE BESSSTTTT!!!!! HE BOUGHT ME FLOWERS!!!! But my husband is so much more than that to me. If I could ever even put it in to words, I would. However, I don't know how to. I don't know how to properly explain that after four years with him, I have never for one second thought, "am I with the right person?" even during the times where we don't see eye to eye. It's more than just the butterfly magical feeling that happens at the beginning (which is an amazing feeling nonetheless). And I know this isn't necessarily rare, but with such a high divorce rate in this country, it gives me hope to know that even when I HATE HIM AND I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE FOR BEING A TOTAL IDIOT, I still love the hell out of him and even in those moments I'm not too proud to tell him I love him out loud. And I would literally ruin the life of any person that ever tried to harm him or speak ill of him. I'm being dramatic, but it's true.

I have literally followed this guy all over the world. I married him in Utah and he took me to Hawaii to celebrate, and then to South Carolina for a temporary job, and then to England for training and then to Savannah  and now to Idaho (the glamour of my life has basically completely diminished) And I'd do it a hundred more times if you gave me the chance.

Taylor Giddens is not perfect at all, and neither am I, and even as a couple put together, we are not perfect. But we are perfect FOR each other. (You knew that was coming, didn't you?) I keep trying to spit this all out without saying all the things that have been said or things you expect me to say, but sometimes romantic things are hard to express without sounding overly cliche.

Here are some links to some other times I tried to explain my feelings for this guy publicly on the internet like a freak girl:

This time when it was way too early on to be talking like this but I already knew.

This time when I was being dramatic about how much better Taylor was than my ex-boyfriend (he is though. It's been scientifically proven in a social science experiment I conducted.)

This post where I was trying to be sweet but I am actually kind of rude to single people. Sorry.


Here's to a 1000 more years Tayl. I love you.

i-15 southbound.

the last two weekends we have traveled outside the grasps of potato hell. the first was Easter weekend where we went down to Manti, UT (my hometown). It is typically--- supposedly a 5 hour drive. But for us it turned into a 7 hour drive. On account of the fact that poor Tayl got food poisoning that LUCKILY, kicked in 2 hours into our drive. Barfy McGee had a real rough trip and I was tired and grumpy so I wasn't nice. Until we finally got there and I saw him in the light and his face was actually GRAY and he was shaking like a Polaroid.  He luckily recovered in time for Easter lunch and we had a short little less than 5 hour ride home.
The thing that changed my life Easter weekend: Discovering Dr. Pepper with coconut syrup at Sip It. *DROOL*

NOW this weekend we decided to sneak away for a lovers night getaway to SLC to celebrate our 2 year anniversary a little early. I looked forward to this little trip for two weeks. It's almost all I thought about at work. AND LUCKILY we were able to catch sessions of conference on the radio on the ride down. We decided to eat at Tucano's a Brazilian Steak house (unlimited MEATS) for lunch and then catch an early showing of JURASSIC PARK 3D IN IMAX (WHICH WAS AWWWEEEESSSOOOMMMEEE). Then for dinner we went for sushi at a tasty little place called Simply Sushi. Which has endless sushi for 21 bucks. ANYWAY, We did more than just eat and watch a movie. But for the sake of censorship, I will spare you. But in closing: I love Salt Lake City, and I love my Tayl.

=

a married couple's blog is no place for serious opinions about current events. but i'm breaking all the rules today. plus, i think one day when i'm dead and my great-grandchildren are looking at my blog (because they TOTALLY will) I want them to know where I stood on the matter of equal rights and same-sex marriage. plus everyone's talking about it on facebook and I just want to fit in.

as a disclaimer, I would like to say, that since I'm the only person who writes on this blog it's obvious probably, but this is not necessarily the opinion of Tayl also. I feel that I am safe to speak on behalf of him concerning what food we eat and how our dog barfed in the car, but this is a little more tricky. Furthermore, based on my religious beliefs, I know people who are on both sides of the fence, and I realize that what I'm about to write (assuming that people actually read this... which... maybe not) may make people feel different about me or frustrated with me. And that's fine. It's a free country.

I am cool with people of the same-sex loving each other, getting married, having the tax and healthcare benefits thereof, raising children, getting annoyed with the way the other squeezes the toothpaste tube, and etc. I do not feel that this will in any way affect straight people of various religious beliefs. I don't feel that this will ruin marriage for the rest of us. (SEE: 50% DIVORCE RATE). I don't believe that a child would be worse off being raised by two moms or two dads. I believe that straight people have just as much of a chance of ruining their kid's lives as gay parents. As someone who grew up in a broken home (or actually, a home that never was non-broken, since my parents were never married) I can attest to the fact that children are extremely adaptive and resilient. The most important thing is that their basic needs are met, and that they are loved immensely. I watch a lot of Teen Mom (embarrassing) and I can safely say that most of those children would be a MILLION times better off being raised by two responsible gay parents than by their mothers who are in and out of relationships/jail.

I don't think that religions should have to change their beliefs to accommodate same-sex marriage. But I certainly think they should stay out of the government making it legal or not illegal. I've often wondered, and sometimes been brave enough to ask, what specifically it is that Mormons fear about same-sex marriage becoming legal. The most common answer was the if it were to become legal, the LDS church could be forced to marry same-sex couples in the Temple. Which is in no way possible, certain straight people can't even get married in the Temple. We need to keep church out of the state and the state out of the church. Freedom of religion is important. (but it shouldn't give anyone the right to shove anything down another person's throat.) The follow-up worry to the temple situation was that they would be allowed to marry in LDS churches. Which I'm not really sure about the details of that, but I've known some pretty horrible, druggy, disgusting people get married in an LDS church just because it was free. Only to be divorced a few months later. SO would gay people getting married in a church be the worst thing that ever happened in the cultural hall?? (SEE: CHURCH BASKETBALL).

PLUS, Most gay men would NEVER get married in a place that doubles as a basketball court. They have taste. But that's just a side note. Anyway, that part doesn't matter.

THE POINT HERE IS SIMPLY THIS: I support equal rights. (But I still eat at Chick-Fil-A, it's not a stance, it's just delicious) I believe everyone has the right to be happy. I don't feel that everyone should be forced to believe something that they don't. This isn't communist China, this is America, damnit.  So everyone just be nice to each other, because same-sex marriage will eventually be legal in the whole country. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe it will take 10 or more years, but it will happen. So if you're adamantly against it, you're probably gonna have to get over it, sorry. But if you just be cool about it, it's not going to change your life in any way. K. BYE.