this one goes out to you, parents of small children.

Look, let's just put it out there, as someone who doesn't have kids, I judge parents. It's not like I'm the first. We all know the story; "I used to judge parents until I became one. Then I changed my tune." But listen, I don't judge like most people judge. I'm on YOUR side, kinda. I know that kids can be dicks. I know that the advice from countless parenting books often means nothing once you step out onto the battlefield of parenthood [KIDS vs PARENTS]. I know that in spite of whatever parental instincts you may have as a human, your instincts can not always save you from the tyranny of a child. I don't judge parents when their kids are screaming in the store or on the plane. I actually feel bad for the parent in this case because children are pretty much pre-programmed to throw tantrums. I can imagine it's embarrassing and frustrating. When I'm on a plane people act super rude about screaming babies it makes me want to punch them. With that said, I have compiled a small list of the things I DO judge.


1. If your kid says please and thank you
Obviously this is contingent upon age. But our 15 month old niece says thank you, soooo.... step yo game up.

2. Parental supervision
If they are at an age where they need supervision and it is a place that requires supervision (which is mostly everywhere). If you're at church, a wedding, the doctors office, a restaurant, etc. your children should not be running a muck breaking things and interrupting people. Contain them.

3. Whether or not your kids can entertain themselves WITHOUT technology
I'm not one of those people who judge you for letting your kids watch TV or play on the computer but when it gets to the point where they have no idea how to do anything without their gameboy/ipod/laptop/your cell phone, that's sad. I am always impressed with children who can entertain themselves by playing pretend or coloring or anything that requires creativity. [Kind of like this guy, HUNTER.] This I feel, is one of the things you can control.

4.  Let your kids get dirty
Being a nanny for the past couple of years, I understand that sometimes this can be hard. Not because of OCD but just because when they get dirty, YOU have to deal with it. And it can be annoying. But for heaven sake, they're children, and most importantly they're washable. This is really the only time in their lives where they can be unkempt and still be socially acceptable. BUT they should still brush their teeth and hair and take baths. Don't let them be the smelly kid in class.

5. How much time you spend with them
I've dealt with several kids who act MUCH better when they have adequate quality family time. Don't ignore your kids. (But don't smother them either.) As an outsider, your kids look up to you so much. They just think you are the coolest, best looking, smartest person alive. But this won't last, they will inevitably resent you when they are teenagers, so seriously, spend time with them while they still like you.